Friday, May 23, 2003

So I'm back in Erie and it feels nice. All I've done is schmooze and clean since my mom isn't back until June 1st. It's really hard to keep house I have to say. I give mad props to my mom.

I start at t-town tomorrow. It's going to be so bad and so busy and my first day back will suck. Oh well, I look forward to the busy work though. I'm starting to get antsy with so much free time!

Academy is a foreign place now. I think I am getting too old to still be visiting high school. Soon enough the entire school will be recycled and I won't know a soul. It's sad but things change and you gotta change with it.

Speaking of change, I ran into Brandon Macer. First words out of his mouth after a bear hug was "Oh I got some girl pregnant!" AGH!!!! Damn, I was hoping Brandon would turn around and take the potential he had and make something happen. Instead still into drugs and the less finer things in life. But yeah, he isn't going to be a daddy since the girl is getting an abortion or will miscarry (whichever first) because the baby is growing in the fallopian tubes instead of the uterus. ::sigh:: I still have a little hope for Brandon, but that hope fades each time I see him and I don't see him much. Oh well...

More change, I finally spoke to Ben and it turned out as expected. I doubt we'll really be talking for a while. I hate losing friends but right now, I don't want to be his friend. He is this entirely different person and just someone I don't want to spend time with. And of course, when we had our talk, he got super defensive and actually threw the "it's a life experience" retort in my face. And all I can think is "Since when is sleeping with a married man who has a kid and wife a "life experience"?" Ugh! So frustrating and so disgusting. I guess I saw this coming the moment he went to NYU. He isn't the same person as before and yeah... change is good but in his case, I think his change is just plain bad. I hope whoever he is right now isn't a permanent thing because I'll never able to be friends with who he is now. And it's not like this affair with the married man was the thing that made me want to not be his friend anymore. It was just the last straw. It was piling up and I had to say what I felt. And I know I'm not the only friend who thinks this way, but I'm the only one who is willing to say it to him. OK, no more thinking about this for a while. Maybe we will be friends again some day... not right now though. I'm of no help to him right now because all I have is disgust and disapproval and just bad vibes and that is not what he needs or wants. Friends are supposed to have respect for each other and right now, I can't give him that.

Well besides those few bad points, I don't have much to say really except summer feels good. The actuarial exam is done and over with. I will get my official "you failed" mailing July 11... I'll try again in the fall. I've got the rest of my life to try and pass those damn exams. Wee! OK. No more to say really. I look forward to Tinseltown and the Boys and Girls Club and NYC with Becky and seeing William and just regaining all those hours of sleep I missed out on during the school year. I miss WPI a lot and everyone but it's good to be home in Erie. I look forward to A term and all it promises :-) but will make this summer one of the best. Summer, here I come.

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