what am i doing

Really... what am I doing? My room feels... a little empty. My apartment will soon be empty. It's full of people right now, but really it's a group that makes me feel more isolated than welcome. And I'm not depressed really... but I can't say I'm super happy either. Just in a weird in between state. A state of transition, except I have no idea where I'm transitioning to. And it's very scary and different and I almost want to go home just so I can find familiarity. Does everyone feel like this? I hope so. Actually, strike that. I know so.

So I admit, I hate myself just a little bit. I always do this to myself. Every time! Honestly, someone needs to stand and watch over me and kick me in the good leg every time I go down the wrong path.

The last night of the term was very fun. The MAC pizza party was funny and Prof. Abraham gave me a graduation gift (sweet pens). I felt a little old. All the youngin' MAC majors were rowdy and fun. It's good to see them all get along and stick together a bit.

After the food, I headed to the quad and hung out with Patrick at the very random quadapalooza. There was some intense four-square going on where Jblaze was dominating. Once it started to get cold, Patrick and I headed over to Matty's with Katie. We just hung out and chatted it up while Adam Bryant got ready for his RI race car party thingy. After Adam Bryant left, Patrick and I were mischeviouos and planted a few bottle caps in his bed and shuffled his stuff around to mess with his OCD/anal retentiveness. It was definitely amusing. :-P Eventually some key people came over (Jblaze, Big D, and B-dunk) and the party moved over to Jocelyn's. I won my first game of Beirut with Katie against our IQP partners, Matty and Joe, since my freshman year! It was awesome! Katie got wicked trashed and I eventually headed over to Densmore's party. I hung out with Drew (Campbell, not DCW roommate) and Patrick there and finally SNAPped my cripple butt home by 2am. It was a pretty successful last night of the year and I am glad I got to hang out with everyone. :-)

Best drunk story of the night: Joe Vaughn went outside to answer his cell phone and got locked out of Jocelyn's. He was too drunk to realize he could have called one of us to get back in. So instead, he started sprinting in any direction and ended up lost. What a loser, haha. He ended up a mile and half away, near Irish Times downtown. He had to ask for directions on how to get back. Soooo funny. Oh Joe Vaughn, how I will miss him.

Last night I hung out with Patrick, Bob, and Patrick's little brother, Oliver. We played a horribly long game of rummy and then a good game of pitch. I got to see Patrick's ridiculous competitive side. I don't think I've heard him swear as much as I did then. Sheesh! I forget that the expression "It's just a game!" never works on boys. Last time I'll get to hang out with Patrick for quite a while. ::tear::

Sometimes, you just really want to cuddle with someone. No prospects in sight for me though. And I have good vision, too. Just can't read people correctly. That's life, huh?