cannot sleep

Goal for tonight: I will not take any pain medication. I've already given in the past two nights. I haven't taken any pain medication since I've been home except for four occasions. I hate to give into the weakness. Hate it. Tonight, I am going to tire myself out so much that I won't notice the arm annoyance and pass out. That's the plan. So I need to self amuse myself online until my Asian eyes give up.

It stinks to be online on the first Friday of A term. Not a single soul is at their computer. Heck, I wouldn't be at my computer either if I weren't Miss Wheelchair right now. All my away message combing brings up is variations of "Out for the night." Lucky bums!

My mom's friend's granddaughter visits us a lot. She has taken a liking to me. I think she is 2. She's damn cute. She is this crazy mix of Vietnamese, Chinese, Middle Eastern, and maybe African American. And she knows my name! Best part: I don't know hers. I keep forgetting to ask. But whenever she comes over, she always plays with me. One day, I was lotioning up my knee and she was very fascinated with the lotion. So I gave her some and started rubbing my hands together to show her what to do. Instead she ignores me and pulls up her pant leg and starts putting the lotion on her knee. It was too cute.

So am I going to be able to just pick up the pieces of my life in October? How easy is this going to be for me? Is it a 500 piece puzzle or are we talking a monster 1000 piece? Right now, I keep pumping myself up for physical therapy, saying it's going to be great. But man, when I try to just bend my right leg while laying flat in bed, it's a struggle and it hurts. Physical therapy is going to HURT. But shhhhh, I don't tell myself that too often. It scares me a little bit. And it makes the time move slower. And time moving slowly is my worst enemy.

The best thing about sleeping: In my dreams, I'm always walking. Two completely functional hips. I've never once dreamed about my accident or being injured like this. My dreams are the only place I find solace from the accident and its aftermath. And I thank God for that. It's nice to have a getaway-from-reality place. Even if it only lasts for a few hours at a time.

Time to get away.