what can you do

Well... good news first. I can start physical therapy. I am allowed 30% weight bearing and probably some aquatherapy and all that jazz. So that is good that I was allowed. The med student came in first and looked at me and said "You're two months from surgery? Dr. Cross usually requires around 3 months non-weight bearing, but I'll check with him." My response word-for-word, "If you make it three months, I will cry." Dr. Cross came in and did a few exercises on me, think cheerleaders stretching just one leg. He basically moved my right leg around seeing what my motion was like. He said it was very good and somewhat reluctantly said I could put weight on it.

Other small good news: this injury does not affect me when it comes to childbirth. He said he did it so there wasn't any weird screws poking here or there and the metal is something special. Also I will most likely NOT set off detectors. And if I do, I will drop my pants and show them the incision scars from my surgery. That will prove the metal more than some special card.

The beginning of bad news... the people forgot to call my name and I ended up waiting 2 hours before I was even seen for an x-ray and then almost 3 hours before a doctor even saw me. It was very very frustrating.

Ok... here is the bad news now. I apparently have some weird bone growth that would inhibit hip/pelvis movement if not stopped. I think it's extraneous bone that is growing with the muscle. It could basically fuse my hip/pelvis in a weird way. I am starting to take meds to stop that from happening. As far as right now, we don't know what its effect will be on me... time will tell.

More bad news. Worse news. My next appointment with Dr. Cross is October 26th... the first day of B term. ::breathe:: Right now, B term is very much in jeopardy. I cannot be sure of a return now. I decided that I will see him that day and if all goes well, I will return to WPI the very next day and just miss the first day of classes and continue therapy at some instutition in Worcester. If things go bad, I will miss the whole semester and start in C term, which potentially ruins my possibilities of graduating on time (yeah, I'm gonna cry over this most likely... it's just a lot to take in all at once). Just when I feel the most mentally strong... I get hit with a possible devastating blow... all over again.

Because I'm retarded, I forgot to ask him a few other key questions which I plan on doing tomorrow over the phone, such as:
1. Will I be able to drive?
2. Do I have to keep taking the coumadin?

After the appointment, we went over to Josh's for dinner. It was nice. And Becky and I did a lot of talking today and it was good. There was a lot to be said.

Overall, I don't know whether to be happy or not. I get to start physical therapy, but it doesn't matter almost because I might not be able to return to school. It just isn't fair. I wish I could have these few months back, just have taken a different route to work that day. These were supposed to be some of the best months of my life. And now... they are some of my darkest. I was so optimistic and scared shitless at the same time going into this appointment... and now... things just seem a little bleak. But I need to keep hope alive. I need to think positively and I need to realize that this isn't the end of my life if I don't graduate on time or return for B term or if I have a freaky bone growth or if physical therapy doesn't go as planned. If I don't think positively, I'm gonna self crumble (believe that isn't pretty) and I REFUSE to let that happen. I am stronger than all of this. I am stronger than all of this. I am stronger than all of this.