last words

While at the Outback, Becky and I were trying to decide on which movie to see. I know we were both leaning towards a comedy because comedy makes us feel good. But all the comedies were mediocre and the only other movie we were considering was Ladder 49. What stopped us from totally being all in on Ladder 49 was that although we were pretty sure it was going to be a good film, we knew it was a tear jerker. So, we were about to go with a mediocre comedy/movie when all of a sudden, the song that plays in the Ladder 49 trailer (it goes "Fire!") came on at the Outback. Right there, we decided that was a sign. We chose Ladder 49 and it was wicked good. And we came prepared with paper towels to wipe our tears. It had a great balance of tragedy and comedy and love and conflict and suspense. It was well done and it was hard to hold back tears. It's nice to see a tear-jerker every once in a while. Anyways, I give Ladder 49 a big thumbs up.

I really admire the firefighters and police officers for putting themselves out there. It's heroic and a constant risk. I don't think I could ever marry either or... it would just worry and kill me to know that that day could be my husband's last - that every time we say good bye, those could be our last words. Let's hope I don't fall in love with firefighters or policeman. Give me engineers and math nerds, please. Hold the Republican if you could. :-)

Later we went back to her house and watched scenes from What Dreams May Come for ideas for her senior animation project. The hell scenes were the ones of specific interest since her project is centered around abortion in an abstract way. Anyways there is a scene in the movie where Robin Williams is waving good bye to his kids for the last time, not knowing that they would die later in a car accident. And all of a sudden, I remember my last words to my parents the day of my accident. And I just start crying (boy I am close right now). My last words to them were so angry and annoyed over something so little. And it upsets me to know that that could have been our last words to each other, me being pissed over them not coming home sooner. And I don't know... it just really upset me. I just don't know if my parents know that I love them as much as I do. Sure I get pissed or angry and I let them know... but I never let them know when I appreciate them. When my mom makes my favorite meal for me or when my dad makes lame jokes with me about Bush. I guess it's the Asian thing, we just don't express that type of stuff to each other. We don't hug, we don't kiss, we don't say I love you. The only time my parents really ever hugged me and said that they loved me was the day I left for college. And that is all I can remember. It's just is upsetting... I know they love me, even though they don't say it. I just hope they know that I love them. I am lucky to have more days to try to express my love for them. I am lucky in general, even if I sometimes don't feel like it.

Whew, it's been an emotional kind of day with all those tears. But it's been a great day. The PT eval went as expected. I have it three days a week at 8am. I am basically just gonna do a lot of leg strengthening muscles and walk with my crutches. It will be a good time. I just feel like today has been one of those turning points in this mess. I feel really positive about life at this moment. I wish I could hold on this feeling forever. But it's the downs in life that really make me appreciate the ups. So bring it on, fate. I am ready for whatever you deal out.