rats all around

What is it about clothes and the fact that I can't just throw out stuff I don't wear? I am one of those people who does her laundry every two weeks and cycles the same set of clothes rather than give each outfit an opportunity to see the light of day. I "thinned" my closet and dresser when I moved to this new apartment to make things fit in the storage places given. Yet, as I glance over at my closet, I see shirt after shirt and think, damn, I haven't worn that since last year, or maybe even the year before. My problem is letting go. I always think, what if I get rid of it and then three months down the road, I all of a sudden need THAT one item? The probability is low, but the fact that there is a chance makes me a horrendous pack rat. I am not a risk taker. As an actuarial student, I manage risk... but as every day me, I don't even take a risk. Yikes. I need to throw shit out. Clutter does some serious damage, not only in my closet, but my friggin' life.

A few weeks ago, someone got laid off in my office. It really shook me. I didn't see it coming and it wasn't even in my department and I only knew him somewhat, but still... it really got me thinking. What if that had been me? What if I were laid off? Would I continue looking for another job in the actuarial profession? Maybe, the practical side of me says probably. But then, the scared-and-afraid-she-is-going-to-end-up-unhappy-professionally side of me screams, TAKE OUT A CRAP TON OF LOANS AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL, WOMAN! And then practical me asks, hold on crazy, WHAT would you study? And then the dreamer side concedes with an I DON'T KNOW! and goes down for the count as practical me takes her unhappy victory lap around the ring. I'm telling you, practical me wants to be punched in the stomach, but dreamer me just can't seem to come up with the vision and the pizzazz to do it.

I'll spare you anymore in-depth speak of where the heck I'm going with this life and continue with the inane. Ben and Tom visited and it was so nice to have them here. Unfortunately, Ben's snores are enough wake the dead and I could not suffer more than one night sleeping with him. Seriously, you could hear his snores through my door as I slept in the living room with the oh-so-quiet sleeper, Tom Muller. We got together with the Huzinecs and gosh, I hope that when I retire, I look as happy as they are and as adventurous! :-) I really needed this past weekend. I love my cousins to death, but I am starting to miss my friends. I am lucky that my cousins indulge me and let me be me - geeky, know-it-all, funny, and all about the TMIs. We're family and nothing beats that. But I also need people to grow with me and to share my passions and impress upon me their own passions. I miss being able to talk about movies and having someone share the same passion for detail and trivia and the affect the film had on me. I miss being able to talk about music and dissecting and gushing over the beauty of an artist's words, melodies, and talent. I miss having people around who share similar thought patterns in terms of politics and social issues. I miss the catty banter that particular friends provide, and the advice and points of view they had on my life and their own. I miss my friends. I really do. They balance me out and color so many different parts of my personality. One of the worst parts of adulthood is being on your own and working so hard to retain the pieces of yourself that flourish when being with your friends... who now live miles and miles away. The world seems at its largest when you need someone and they can't be there for you immediately, whether they're 50 or 1,000 miles away. I guess I am very thankful for our overly connected world, because without it, I'd be my own sinking island.

I saw The Departed this past weekend. I am not big on violence or gangsta movies, but I must say I enjoyed it. I usually don't care for movies like this because the tension in my stomach from waiting for the conflict to explode in my face is too much to handle on a regular basis. But Scorcese did a nice job. The story was good and kept me interested and guessing and wondering which rat was going to come out this clean. The violence was well... violent. The humor came in small patches, but were just right and enough to keep the film from being 100% dark and ominous. Also, I always appreciate sex scenes where you can create the tension and the passion without being sleazy, and Scorcese did that. Well there is the OTHER sex scene that was extremely over the top, but laughable. You'll just have to see it for yourself. Kudos on the Southie speak and the few recognizable clips of Boston. He did the city proud, even if he filmed most of it in New York. :-P

I've cat napped twice this week already. And then I stay up late like this. And then want to nap the next day. I've got to nip this in the bud! Time for bed.

PS. No one wants to see The Scissor Sisters with me. :-( It's a sad day. What the heck am I going to do with this extra ticket?!