save me

Time to unload... being at home is starting to take its toll. I haven't been home this long since before college. And it's driving me crazy. My dad, my mom, and my brother. My dad has a temper and is moody and just randomly decides he wants to be angry at the world. You never know when to expect it and I am sick of having to deal with it. I am not your punching bag. My mom is just far to frustrating to work with at times, and I am her complaint person. Everything she complains about, she comes to me, almost expecting me to do something about it. Not all complaints should be told to me. I am her daughter. Some things should be talked about with her sisters or someone else - but not your daughter. I just can't handle it anymore. And my brother. Ugh, I love that ass monkey, but he has a serious attitude problem. He is 20 and completely aimless in life. I try to instill a sense of urgency in him, that he needs to get his life into gear and show more respect to the family. Some ideas were pay rent, pay for food, look for an apartment, help mom and dad out, don't be gone every day and only come home to sleep... just be fuckin' responsible! It's not hard! Everyone always tells me that it's my duty to take care of him and guide him, but I can't guide him if he refuses to listen or follow. I can't shoulder his problems and burdens my whole life, nor the entire family. I am 21, dealing with recovering from a horrific accident, trying to graduate from college on time, and basically find my future in this mess. Do I look like I am capable of handling the problems of a whole family? NO. I did it for at least the last 4 years of highschool. I just want a little time away, and I thought I got that with college but then this accident has forced me into this vicious cycle all over again. If anyone wonders why I chose to go to school 500 miles from home, this is why. It's so frustrating! Please... save me.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family... but I think I've reached my limit. I just needed to vent wicked bad.

Thankfully my second family, Becky's family, somewhat helps balance out the scariness of my family in times like theseand saves me from losing my sanity at times (I am stuck in my house typically 5 days a week for the entire day except for a half hour of physical therapy MWF... talk about going stir crazy). Lunch was very fun and chatty. They are getting a new dog and it was the vote of the day at the table. Although most of us voted for smaller dogs, I think they are getting the lab, which isn't so small. I just hope it cheers up Becky's mom some since Sparky died. There was definitely a 10 minute discussion of calculators with Daddio, Tony, and I because we are nerds like that. Daddio is a hardcore HP man, while Tony and I are Generation TI. Overall a fabulous lunch at the Texas Roadhouse.

Tomorrow is shopping with the sisters again, this time a complete run around the bases with a trip to Old Navy, the Millcreek Mall, and possibly Walmart and Target. Just what I like. :-)

All I can say about the Yankees right now is: What the fuck? Ugh!

So the savior of the day and everyday of B term most likely is going to be Molly Stone Nawrath. She just offered to take me up the hill everyday since her handicap parking pass lasts all the way until January and she works in Admissions in the morning and plans on dropping me off at AK before she heads there at 9am each day. I could just hug her forever for that. Honestly, that was a big concerm - getting up and down the hill.

I am currently mentally preparing for my return to school. I am going to go no matter what the surgeon says (although I'm sure he won't say no). I've started an extensive to do list, as well as packing list. I've purchased the school insurance, removed my hold, changed a couple of my classes, and emailed the appropriate people. I am really going to come back and I am going to be ready when it happens. It's going to be a tough term, but if I can handle living in my house for 3 months as a cripple, I will so be able to handle 7 weeks of half cripple-ness at WPI. As John Kerry says, "Bring it on!"