alive

Hello people.  I am alive and kinda broken still.  But healing.  Thank you so much for the love and support and everything.  I'm doing OK.  And so thankful to be alive.  I will post more some day when I am home.  I love you all.

if you can dodge wrenches

I went and played dodgeball with some ttown people. It was a lot of fun. At first I sucked a lot of ass. I mean I caught nothing and I got no one out. And then I changed my throwing method and things got better. I got the soccer kid out three times... more than anyone else that got him out I think. I scored the game winning hit for one game, as well. It was hot. I got a lot of bug bites, but it was worth it. My arm is still sore to this day though. I hope to play again this coming Wednesday.

Work at the club gets worse and worse. The kids aren't listening as much and my partner Nick isn't really with me anymore. He is always assigned to a summer school group and leaves every Thursday and drives for the field trips. Handling 20some kids by myself is very hard and my voice hurts more and more each day. I definitely tweaked out at the kids this week. So mad, tears of rage were in my eyes. I think I scared them all pretty good. I just wanted to push them all down. What a great childcare provider I am, huh?

Today "Mad Anythony", the mentally slow kid who has burnt nerve endings or something, hit Juawuan, my favorite kid, in the face and spit in his eye. I wanted to punch Anthony to retaliate but Tyree beat me to the punch, literally. I think he gave Anthony a black eye and the funny part is that no one punished Tyree because... really... Anthony deserved it. All Tywonn had to say to Tyree was "Did you have to take it that far? Did you have to keep punching him?" He didn't say "Why did you punch him?", just why did he punch him so much. :-P Gawd, how have I lived through three summers at this place??

I got my brother a job at the club too. Boy does he get spoiled. I swear if he fucks up and gets fired or quits, I will never do a favor for him again. Because if he does, it looks bad on my part and I work my butt off there. I just pray this works out for him. He really needs to stop being the lazy ass that he is and wake up and do something with his life.

This past week, I also had dinner at Ian's house with his mom and sister, Emily. Although it was a huge ordeal to decide whether to do it or not because Ian was being lame, it ended up being a very nice time. Although Ian is such a huge punk at times, it was a funny time. His family is very nice and humorous, as is his dog. It was the first time I've ever spent any real time in the Page house. Maybe we will pow wow again this summer before I go. :-) I love me my eee-an!

I'm planning a lot of stuff for my senior year. Me and Becky want to do Cali... cross our fingers it happens. And a trip to Florida is planned for Fall Break. And Conan for winter. Mmm... yeah. This could be a very good year, people.

Talked to two very cool people for a few min - Tom Muller and Joseph Vaughn. Yay! They are doing fab and I can't wait to see Tom when I get back to New England. As for Badunkadunk, he is doing great too and is faring well with the ladies. It's the ass that lures the ladies in.

Adam got me something illegal from his trip out west. He got me a rock from the Grand Canyon. I was hoping for a hooker, but hey what can you do? Anyways, what a rebel he is. I love that kid. I'm just glad he didn't spend money on me! What a guy.

I'm exhuasted. Passing out........ NOW!

bye grandma

Yup, my grandmother died. We saw it coming, but still, just not fair. She had a long life though and she was so wonderful and small and kind. ::sigh:: I can't go to the funeral either due to job obligations and basically, I just can't afford it. :-/

Life is good and bad. I'm happy and yet really confused about a few things. Self sabotage is a dangerous dangerous thing, people.

I'm so tired, I can't think anymore. Sleep will add some clarity, or completely fuck it up. Like it did last night. Dreams really mess with your head sometimes. I mean REALLY.

death

It's been a tough few days. My car died, my uncle is kinda dying, my grandma too. Luckily they will all be revived and live a little longer. I also got summoned for jury duty. BLAH. I am writing to postpone it until December when I will actually be here. Let's hope it all works out.

The good news though is that I got the job in Admissions for the month of August and am moving to Worcester July 31st! Yay! And Becky is gonna visit me in the middle of August and such. I can't wait to see Carla and Jess J and other people. Oh so bad! Other good news is that I got a gmail account through an invite from William. BUT, also, I didn't know this until now, blogger hands out invites to it's active users as well. How hot. I wish I had known that so William could have given his invite to someone else. Oh well!

I played tennis the other day with Ace and I sucked ass and then some. But it was fun because it felt good to hit around. I need to play more.

I am so tired. Always tired. And my time in Erie is ticking down. Scary.