Sunday, December 29, 2002

Work was CRAZY today. Way too busy. But afterwards, I did get to see Two Weeks Notice with Hanni, John John, and Ben (I hadn't seen them in a whole week). And then we got fast food and watched some SNL. It was just a good laid back nite. I need more of those. :-)

I am looking forward to tomorrow nite's Cinemark employee party. Woo! I am going to get dolled up. I am going to dress to impress. ;-) Really I just want some action. HA. :-)

Well I'm one tired chica. I have stuff to do tomorrow. Nite.

Saturday, December 28, 2002

I was watching some Chuck Norris movie about hijacking a plane and immediately I think about 9-11. And then all of a sudden, I'm almost on the verge of tears. And then all of a sudden, I'm angry. So angry. I try to block out of my mind that tragedy because I can't handle it I guess. I don't want to think about it. I want to pretend that humans cannot be as cruel as the men who took so many lives. I hate it. I hate to think that humanity can be so flawed and so heartless. Even now, I feel so much rage. So much rage. I just want to scream. I want to ask God why things like this were meant to happen. Why 9-11? Why the holocaust? Why war? Why murder? Why AIDS? Why why why? I'll never know. And that kills me.

Friday, December 27, 2002

Oh man I am so tired. I had to work at 10am (after I closed the night before at 11pm) and I couldn't fall asleep til 4am and was meeting Beck for breakfast at 8:30, so I got up at 7:30. She ended up being 45 min late because her alarm didn't go off, but we still had a very quaint breakfast. Work was soooooo busy. We got totally slammed. It was nonstop selling tickets from about 10:30 until 2pm. I felt like I had just gotten back every movie dollar I had sold during the week before Christmas. And I had to work with Sarah, and she's ok and all, but 7 hours in one box together can get to you. She just isn't a people person. She was home-schooled, so her people and politeness skills aren't great. Plus she thinks she is better than everyone else. I can bare her if we are in different boxes, but in the same box, no way. And oh man, I just found out this awful girl at work was bitching about how me and Beck got to work in the same box one day (the one and only day taht will ever happen because the managers think that because we are best friends, we would get carried away and not work well but we do). I think it was an early Christmas gift to let me and Beck work together, and Carrie was overheard saying "Ugh that is not fair, why should they get to work together." and I wanted to punch her in her face for being so snotty! Plus on Christmas, I went on break while she was on break, and she had the nerve to call me over the walkie (which is overheard by all workers) to say "Uh could Vonda come back to her box" although I was on BREAK (only 10 minutes in, I had left while she was about 10 min into her break that evil girl). And when I got back to the box, there wasn't a SOUL in line. Once again, I wanted to punch her in her face for being such a wench. I hate people who try to make the working experience a bad one. Working during the summer was nice because she was abroad in Australia. Australia should have kept her. ;-) Otherwise, work is work and still kewl even if it is busy.

I am the worst friend. I have been working insane hours at Tinseltown that I haven't seen any non Tinseltown friends in also 6 days. And I probably won't see them until this Saturday, making it a full week since I saw them all last. I was supposed to go out with them tonite but I just felt so tired. I was running on 3 hours and felt like crap. So I had to bail because I wasn't fit to drive really. I felt bad, but it wouldn't be right to exactly endanger their lives by having a sleepy tired Vonda behind the wheel. Hopefully we can do something this Saturday.

New Years is coming up man. What am I going to do? Ever since they got rid of First Nite Erie, New Year's Eve just sucks now. I have no place to go and it's just boring. I will not have a repeat of last year where we went to Sarah's and watched Jay Leno to bring in the New Year. I think Hanni is going to throw a New Year's Party. And plus Emily invited me to her brother's bash. Who knows what I will do. All I know is that it will be better than last years. I promise that. It would be nice to have a cute boy there too. ;-)

OK, I should try to get some sleep because I have to get up and run errands and get my car looked at since the exhaust pipe looks like it's hanging dangerously low and I need to deposit a lot of checks. WOO. Good nite.

Thursday, December 26, 2002

Had a ridiculously good nite at work. :-) Even if it was Christmas. But hey I got paid time and a half, got to dick around with awesome people at work, and laugh away Christmas. Had a good afternoon with mom and Patton, turkey, stuffing and mash potato goodness. I dunno. I feel so good right now. :-) Kinda sad to have to go back to WPI I guess. I just want to stay a little bit longer. Plus I need to so dirty my purity a little bit. ;-) Working on that at work *wink*. Crushes are fun and so is flirting. Employee party coming up! WOO! Time to have a good time with the crazy kids at Tinseltown. And tomorrow I get to do breakfast with Becky. Yay! I love when we do that because I dunno, those little get togethers are just great. :-D And me and Ben talked about stuff and it feels better and hot damn, life is just working out right now. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

MOLLY!!! I just want to put that in bold to catch her attention. She's a funny ho. I love my number one ho. WOO! Weirdos forever yo. Ho's til we die. :-D

I hope everyone's Christmas was great because mine was. I love my life!

Good nite.

Tuesday, December 24, 2002

Well I just realized that I am going to be back at WPI in about a week and a half. Sick. I am just kinda starting to enjoy myself here at home. Work at Tinseltown is just dandy. The really cute kid visited me twice in my box today! WOO! But it was really busy and we couldn’t talk. :-( That’s the way life goes. I have exactly one week and some to talk to him some more. Sometimes you just need a fleeting crush to add a little fun to life. :-)

I’m starting to notice that when you work at the movies, you tend to almost live there. There is this nice cute kid name Jason and his friend that work in concession. And they work a lot of hours. I mean every time I work, at least one of them is working too if not both of them and I work about 40 hour work weeks. But I’m starting to think that when I see them and think they are “working” they really aren’t, and they are just visiting. That is what Tinseltown does to ya. It’s addicting. It’s like a little family you get sucked into. I mean I only get to work there seasonally and I already want to go there just to hang out with the fun people. It’s odd how you can like your job that much. But it’s really the people you like I guess. Only thing missing from work is Curtis. Sniff. He was my main partner in crime. Oh the memories.

So the other nite, me and Beck worked horrendously long shift together and went out for dessert afterwards to catch up since we hadn’t seen each other in a while. It felt so good to talk to her. Sriously, we just think on a similar wavelength and yet are completely different people. I dunno. I love her to death. She is one of the most important people in my life. Anyways, I just talked to her about stuff that was bothering me like things with Ben, my brother, and other personal stuff and even though we really don’t solve anything by all our chit chat, it seems like I have more of a drive to just grit my teeth and deal after I’ve talked to her about it. Deep down, I know that she will be a life long friend and that makes me feel a less scared of what the future will bring.

While we were dishing out stuff, we ran into an old favorite of ours, Matthew Fisher. Oh man, that kid is the kewlest kid ever. When he turned 16, me and becky went out and got him orange bundt cake, a “Congrats, it’s a girl!” card where we crossed out all the writing and changed it to a birthday card, and a sesame street balloon. We liked him THAT much to be THAT thoughtful. And he still has that stuff to this day. He was blushing so much when we randomly stopped by to give it to him. We went to grade school with him for years upon years (he was a grade below us though) but we never ever talked to him until he started working at the bingo hall with us when we were freshmen and sophomores in high school He’s such a great guy. It’s odd how you can make such interesting friendships because of work.

This entry really is all about work it seems. Because now I think about Phil and Doug and how I need to give those crazy kids a call. Another pair I became friends with because of work. They gave me a crazy Christmas gift, a t-shirt with their photos plastered on it with their thumbs up and “Vonda’s #1!” in bold letters above their picture. I laughed so hard the day I got that gift.

Gawd. Sometimes I think back about all the people I’ve been friends with and it just blows me mind. It seems at some point, I was a part of every crowd and friends with the most random people. I guess I like that though. Ha. Me and beck would always play a game at the mall, who knows more people. I would usually win. And I don’t even know how I know all these frigging people. I just do my thing and whoever happens to be a part of the thing is a part of it. Life is a blur and I do my best not to go blind.

OK. I’m tired. That is all for now. Rambling is done for the nite.

PS. I didn't get to see LOTR because it was sold out. Dammit I suck. William is right. I will be a tech nerd failure if I don't see LOTR before I get back to school.

Thursday, December 19, 2002

I'm about to head off to see the Lord of the Rings. Good stuff. :-) I love going to the movies and paying only 6.50 to see a late show. Gawd bless Pennsylvania. Damn New Englanders want to suck all the money out of your pocket with their $10 movies! Psshaw! :-)

I can't stop listening to 80s music and downloading it. I just can't stop! They are so great. If you ever are in the mood for some of this good music, let me know and I'll enlighten you to what is good to listen to. Right now, John Lennon's Oh My Love will never leave the playlist along with The Smiths Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want. *sigh* I am all about the sappy love music right now. I dunno why.

Anyways, I gotta go pick up John John and hit up Tinseltown to sign papers and buy the tickets. Home is getting a little better. I still get the WPI attacks where I wish I were there with everyone. But those are getting less poignant. :-) Erie is starting to grow on me.

WOO. I got paid today! Now I can pay off my credit card. :-)

Lord of the Rings, here I come!

WOO! I got a big whopping raise at Tinseltown! WOO! Ha. Now I can officially say that I am getting paid more than minimum wage! HAHAHAHA! Except that means nothing really. I got paid 5.15 before. Now I think I might (emphasis on might) be getting paid maybe 10 cents more. Sad is it not? But hey I like the job and the seasonal people are fun. I shouldn’t complain. WOO!

Today I went and hung out with Hanni. It was just nice to sit around and watch movies. We watched two South Park episodes and A Night at the Roxbury. She fell asleep but I was awake for most of it. Hanni is really good for just sitting around and relaxing, just shooting the breeze. We had a good time. Soon we will be able to add John John and Benjamin (our fave gay best friends) to the equation. That pretty much means the drama will be tripled because there is always perpetual drama in those two boys’ lives. But I love those silly boys. I can’t wait til we are all back together again.

If I don’t say this enough, I love Stepha. She is great. She is loyal, crazy, and never regrets anything. And I love that about her. I have a lot of respect for her. Tonite, we spent a lot of time swapping gossip and just talking about the stuff that needed to be talked about. I felt so much better after having talked to her. I hate how busy we have been this year. I wish I saw her more often. She adds a little bit of daring to my life. I need to make it a point to try and hang out with her more often. More things to do in C term! WOO!

I have to say that the movie Heartbreakers is a great movie. It is definitely my humor and just got a good feel to it. But man oh man, every time Gene Hackman coughs, I feel like I am going to absolutely puke! He did a stellar job making me want to vomit. Ick! I am thinking about his coughing now and man oh man, AGH! My brother proceeded to tell Jennifer Love Hugetits “I love you” every 15 seconds. Ugh. She did a good job, but she still annoys me. :-) Don’t you love how bitchy girls are about other girls? It’s a funny phenomenon.

Anyways, I found another song I had to download. John Lennon’s Oh My Love. Very pretty. Also, I found this other song. I have no idea which is the real title, but it was an 80s song that is the theme song to Charmed and happened to be on the Wedding Singer soundtrack… I am Human seems to be the phrase/title. Who knows. Anyways, I love Kazaa and being able to download whatever I want and not be restricted to the taste of those at WPI (a taste that doesn’t match mine very often). I love it!

Although I am starting to get into the swing of things at home, I still miss everyone at WPI a lot. Still going through WPI withdrawal. It will be better once the job starts and the friends get home (all of them). At least my dad is gone finally. I know, I sound like the most awful daughter. But seriously, we cannot get along if we have to live together. When we live together, he makes no effort at trying to understand me, or help me, or being considerate. With some people, I am just not meant to live with for more than 18 years, and my dad is one of those people. :-)

Oh of all ghettoness, I think I might go to the Metro because Amanda REALLY wants us (us being Hanni and I) to go. It is the mothership of all that is slutty and ghetto in Erie. It is the new “it” club in Erie for those under 21 and over 18. My brother frequents the place. I guess I’ll have to go and have my bad experience there too. Beck already had hers last time. I believe she ACTUALLY gave her number to some shady guy because she was so flustered and he called her muchos times and finally stopped when Beck had Amanda pick up the phone and say “Oh Becky isn’t here, she is with her BOYFRIEND. Can I take a message?” Haha. I love my friends.

That is all. This is the latest I have been up. I think it’s time to pass out.

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

There are a few great things about home. I get to see my brother, my other half... the person who gets almost all of me (the parts of me he doesn't get are the parts I don't get either I think). He is such a bastard at times though too. :-) I mean bastard in a good way, kinda. He is lazy and doesn't have a goal in sight. He is in college and just aimlessly going through it and not worrying about what is down the road when graduation nears. Sometimes I get really ticked at him for being so irresponsible and not caring and just expecting others to take care of him. Take for example last year. He didn't do his financial aid for college because he couldn¡¦t understand the forms and REFUSED to ask for help from his guidance counselor (a man who is paid a not so bad salary to do exactly this) and instead didn¡¦t do it, waited for me to come home and do it because he knew I would, and ended up getting a super shitty financial aid package because it was too late for a good package, causing my dad to shell out a lot of money that he didn't have at all and to be so angry that Patton was so close to not even going to college. But who stuck up for him in the end and convinced my dad that it would be wrong to rob him of his college experience? Yeah me. And yes, he is enjoying college, but he is still the same Patton from a year ago. No change, except now he goes clubbing on Wednesday nites at the Metro and goes to the occasional party at Behrend and still comes home every weekend. Yeah that's it people. I don't even notice any other change. But I guess I am jealous at the same time. How does he go about life so carelessly? Maybe I need to start living like that. Or maybe not. I must say I do need to have a drop of his carelessness and start living it up a bit better. I still love the fool anyways. It's just amazing how well we understand stuff.

It was so weird how Patton and I are so in tune at times. The example that made me smile was that when I got back and Patton was fiddling with my music. And deep down, me and Patton are very ghetto people, all about R&B and thuggin it out at times. BUT he happen to pick out all these songs that happen to be on my playlist (things that William said were too slow and depressing) and it was just weird how we just liked the same music without realizing it. Or how we laugh at the same stuff or just get stuff in the same way. I swear we should be twins the way we communicate. Except I definitely have the big sister syndrome and he has the "I'm the youngest and spoiled" syndrome. :-) Me and Molly were talking about that. How if you're a girl, unless you are the middle child, you are always screwed. Being the oldest and being a girl means that your parents do it all wrong with you. And if you're the youngest and a girl, then they can't let go and make it ten times worse for you. BUT if you're the middle and a girl, they don¡¦t care. Parents suck! :-P

Speaking of parents, I have something to say. My dad sucks ass. A lot. I think we get along soo much better when we are more than 500 miles a part. Already he is back one day and I want to scream. He is selfish and needs to grow up. Sorry to be so bitchy but MAN my dad just has this power to evoke so much anger in me. If I were to ever go into therapy, I think a lot of it would be about him. Ok enough about the sucky man.

So there is this awesome girl and her name is Amanda Gray and man oh man. I am so glad she is my sister daughter. The other day when I was blogging, the blogger deleted what I wrote and Amanda Gray made me laugh about instead of wanting to kill something. But hey, just let it be know Blog Master, I am out to get you. ;-) You rule Amanda Gray.

And my best friend Becky is the best! I didn't realize how much I missed her until I got to see her. She is so great. She is just great! She makes me smile and just knows exactly what to say or what not to say. I dunno. She is a great best friend and I don't know who or what I would be without her. I wish everyone could meet her. She has changed so much (physically) since I saw her last though. She lost her braces, got new glasses, FINALLY cut her hair!! It's crazy.

Oops. It's time to go pick up my brother who doesn't have a license or even a permit! AGH!

BTW, way to go Molly! HAHAHAHA!

Monday, December 16, 2002

This pisocrap blogger didn't blog a long blog I wrote last nite... Damn thing... I will have to take Jon Abad's advice and do it a different way so I stop running into this "Let's delete what Vonda just wrote" problem... As Amanda Gray said, the blog master is going down. :-)

Erie is boring.

Friday, December 13, 2002

So I am sitting here at the AGD house, spending the nite with the Katies so that I don't succomb to the terror and silent halls of Daniels.

So yeah if you have any problems with me and stuff, I would settle things because tomorrow I am leaving for home and the weather is going to be gawd awful and for all you know, I could die with Kurt Onofrey behind the wheel. So yes people, shower me with your love so I can die in peace. :-d

Really though, I am a little worried about the weather. But I HAVE to be home before Sunday. Do or die Vonda. I hope it's just do. :-)

I love you all.

I have to go listen to Katie ramble about her luggage. I have to help her get rid of stuff. She is talking to the wrong person though haha. This is me Vonda, the person who is coming home with a large suitcase, a medium sized suitcase, my computer, and my bookbag (and lots of photos). And more but I can't think of it all. OK.

I love you all.


AAAAAAGH. Rollercoaster of life.

I feel better. Disregard last statement.

Really mad at myself. At this moment in time, I don't want to be me. I don't say this so I can get tons of messages saying "Oh I love you Vonda and you're great the way you are!" I'm just stating, right now, I wish I were someone else. Period.

Now I'm going to have a mini-cry. No biggie. I am not die hard depressed. But I think I just need to cry. So yeah. I'm gonna do that now.

Good nite.

Thursday, December 12, 2002

I'm just sitting here. Packing. And realizing I should go home tomorrow and not Saturday. What the heck am I going to do tomorrow? I just don't want to be lonely. Everyone isn't even gone yet and already I feel a hollow ache. I need to go home and get away from the emptiness that is about to engulf WPI. It's so weird how this year is already half done and I feel like I'm finally beginning to enjoy myself.

I want to be anywhere but in my room. I want to see people. I want to be with them. I want to be anywhere but here.

I am sure I will keep randomly blogging as the packing get's more and more depressing.


YES. B term is over and I feel so light right now. I feel on top of the world (even if my finals didn't go so great). I just feel great. And it's good to feel this great. I need to feel this great more often. :-)

OK. That's all I need to say for now. Happiness is the key to everything.


Well it's 8am and guess who woke up feeling a wee bit nauseous? Correct! VONDA! Must have been something I ate.

Now that I have woken up, things are in a much better perspective. Thank gawd it's break time. Life is convenient even when it's sucky. I can finally say that I am not a wuss. Thank you, I know you're proud.

Theory of Interest is going to suck ass. (I can hear Kim telling me "At least you're gettin' something out of it!" HAHA). Oh well. I actually like the course though. It's the first time I felt sure about being an Actuarial Math major. It's the math stats that reconfirms I could NEVER EVER be a regular math major.

Hahaha. I went back and reread through all the blogs. I am one weird person. I take pride in that though.

OK enough time wasted on blogging about how much better and yet worse I feel. It's time to push everything out of my mind and get ready to try to ace my finals even if there is no humanly way for me to get an A in ANY of my math classes. :-) At least I'm trying. I think a viewing of Jingleheimer Junction will make this ALL BETTER. Yes people Will Ferrell comes to the rescue. I'm out.

Whoa. Took the plunge and the bungee gave out. Crashed and currently in repair mode. All right before finals. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

Good nite sucky world. Dreaming of better things than life.

Super frustrated. I knew this would be bad. Why is it break time? I am just going to kick myself every single day of break for letting myself get to this point. AGH. Just stew. I am such a friggin wuss. I need to just speak up and get it off my chest! Stop the confusion and fear of rejection!

So tomorrow is the last day. And now the sadness has hit kinda. I wish we could go to WPI and not do work. Instead we would pay 34000 a year to just have fun. *sigh*

Hahaha I have definitely spread the Jingleheimer Junction love to Matt Hazel. He is a true fan right there. :-) I think I just really like Will Ferrell because I watched Zoolander today too with Willie. Great movie. I have seen it one too many times. I have this bad tendency to say all the lines to a movie I REALLY REALLY REALLY like. :-D So ya know if you know that I really like a movie and that I have seen it one too many times, I wouldn't watch the movie with me!

Thoughts keep floating right back to that thing that I can't talk about. Gawd dammit. As certain people like to say, I think I just need to make out with someone and get this tension out of my system. Haha. Too bad I'm Vonda and that seems unlikely. *sigh*

OK. With all those lovely happy thoughts running through my mind, I think I will go to sleep and wake up early and pray I don't fail any finals and pray I don't go insane from these thoughts. I should just take the leap and go for it huh? Yeah I know I tell myself this everytime I think about it and then totally back out. WHOA. I suck.

Oh yeah, me and Kim's new SNL craze is Gap Girls. It rocks! "Yeah when they were handing out brains, you thought they said trains and got one and took a ride on it." MUHAHAHAHA. Kimmy rocks.

Yeah. Stew some more Vonda. TORTURE. This is where I feel like I am at the awkward age of 13 again and still as passive as ever. Friggin A man. Friggin A. I give up. I will live my life out as a spinster, an old maid with tons of cats. That tis the destined life for Vonda Bui. Yes it is. UNLESS I stop being a wuss. Any bets on what I will do?


Wednesday, December 11, 2002

OK.. I just thought about this before napping. I made a major change to my buddy list and moved one name really. And now when I look at my buddylist I feel like something is out of place. But it had to be done. I know this is lame to compare change by how your buddy list is done but I guess it's a good indicator of things changing and people changing. Who knows. I just thought I should say that before I forgot because when I moved the screenname, I almost felt sad, truly sad. Anyways. It's good for me. I can deal. Nap time.

So yeah. I just spent a long time working on Math stats and I am even more confused and yet not. If I see another summation or pi squared or anything I will scream! Anyways. I think I will pass everything. Come on Vonda you can do it! 2 B's and an A would make my term all OK.

I can't wait to go back home and work at Tinseltown with Becky. :-) I am sad though at Curtis no longer works there. He was one of my fave people to work with. If he wasn't 28 or 29 and didn't have twin boys and a girl on the way and a wife, I would have had a major crush on him yo. Yes older men are just oh so great. He had a great sense of humor that Curtis. Ha ha. Another sad thing about Tinseltown is that almost everyone I worked with before has quit. Oh well I will make the best of it. Hopefully me and Beck with get lots of hours together.

The days are counting down and I still stew.

WOO. Time to go do nothing instead of studying! WOO!

Ice storm. I hate that. I need good driving conditions people! GOD! Help me out here! :-)

Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone was a slight disappointment. It was a little slow. Plus I think you just automatically like the first one you see and I saw Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets first. Just as slow but a little bit better. I just love how everyone massively goes through puberty between the movies. Who is going to play Harry Potter? We can't have Harry Potter with stubble! :-)

So yeah tomorrow (or more like today as William would say) will be not so easy and fun. I get to work on the Math Stats take home final. Yes people it's take home but ya know what that means? It's going to be butt munchingly hard. I am talking totally sucky. It's will suck ass. As Kim likes to say "At least you're getting something out it!" Isn't she just bad? Hahahaha. I am going to miss Kimmy and her humor. That's what I hate about college. Graduating. Once you meet, you shouldn't be able to leave until you have everyone's permission. I don't want to go through those awful math classes without her! Well maybe Liz will be taking a few math classes with me next year. Let's hope. But lets face it, no one is going to replace Kimmy. :-) Ef ef ef ef ef!

Whoa. I just had a sneezing fit. I had better not be getting sick or I will be POed.

So yeah I checked the weather forecast for this Saturday and what do ya know. There's gonna be some snow. Oh yeah that rhymed! WOO! Since there is going to be snow, I am starting to rethink my plans for leaving. I am sure Kurt and I will have a wonderful time though.

My monologue was finally performed. It was well done. She didn't do it the way I had in mind when I was writing it but it was just as good. I think Drama will be the only class I will get an A in this term. Whooopeeee!

Stew. Not as bad anymore. I think I'm just gonna kinda push it to the back of my mind or just say whatever. Then again that will feel slightly like the Mike Carbonello way of dealing with things and that way just LOSES. But yeah. I will try to push it out of my mind.

Dude I put my car in the shop. Pray it doesn't cost too much!

OK. I think that's it. Stew. Mmm. Bye.

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

What we're spelllin' out to you-oo, feels really really good to do-oo. Caring and kindness are the perfect fit! You can do it anywhere, in the park or on the chair... INSIDE AND OUTSIDE! In and out, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out...

Oh my goodness, Jingleheimer Junction is the funniest thing ever! Sometimes in the middle of class, me or Kim will start randomly saying "Ef ef ef ef ef!" Gawd we have too much fun with this skit. I watch it at least 5 times a day if not more! I swear one day, me and four other people will do that skit and make everyone laugh laugh laugh! Ef ef ef ef ef ef

So yeah. Today I am definitely not doing a lot. It's the take it easy day!


Time to not do work!

So yeah. I finally talked to Molly about what I have been thinking and she sees why I am confused. Agh. It's so bad. Now that I have admitted to these thoughts (admitted to myself and to someone else), that's all I think about. AGGGH. I just always have butterflies in my stomach about it now. And I know I am going to drive Molly nuts because I can't stop talking about my thoughts. But ok. Yeah. So yeah. Uh huh. CENSORING thoughts in my blog. Too personal at this point to be able to say anything and not feel embarassed. Well not embarassed but feel so exposed. Oh yeah. That is all. Kinda. Not really. I am just going to stew forever over this.

So yeah finals week isn't too bad. YAY! In theory, I get to have a crib sheet for the final. And in math stats, 75% is take home and 25% in class testing. So I am listening to Molly ask me questions in Cell Bio and I stopped listening a long time ago. :-)

Oh stew stew stew. Each time I say stew stew stew, thoughts fly through my mind.

Wooo holiday dinner! Good food yo. Me and Katie are going to fill up on daka B food. woo!

I put my car into the shop. Let's hope everything goes ok. pray people pray.

Dude, this Friday will be the last day I spend in Worceseter in 2002. Then me and Kurt are going to travel on home on the wonderful never ending I-90. Exciting huh?

Stew stew stew

Stew stew stew

Now I am going to zone out Molly as I stew some more. Bye.

Monday, December 09, 2002

I have to say that I really like my hair braided. I should ask the ho to braid it more often. None of my friends from home can braid like that and I unfortunately never taught my brother to braid well. I guess he isn't as flawless as I thought him to be. I know I shoule be sleeping right now but I'm not. I just attempted the math homework and I notice that I don't even really care. I have no idea how well I am doing in this class either but oh well. I have noticed that I have lost a lot of the motivation that I had in high school to do well and achieve flawless grades. Well now I don't think that way anymore. And ya know what? It feels good. It feels kinda good to not know and not beat myself to death to be perfect. I love this. Then again I haven't failed yet so I am sure I won't love this careless attitude once I get an NR. But lets hope that NEVER happens. :-) OK. For real. I am going to try that whole sleep thing. What shall I dream of?

Mmm. I got some ideas. Or maybe I don't. Ah who knows. Stew stew stew Vonda. Stew.

Nite for real. Last time. I am going right to sleep. Right now.

Now for the serious blog. Molly just pssht me. She is trying to stay up because she plans on going on the raid. HA. she still have an hour and a half to go and things have died down. We have lost our Thelma to his own bed. *tear* So yeah. tonite was pretty fun although Molly did make a pass at my brother. William practically farted in my face. So how is Molly going to be able to figure out if Jared is awake without waking that stupid roommate of his who thinks he knows everyhintg when he really doesn't although its bad when even Molly seems to back him up on his unfallibility. But thats ok. I will make him wrong. So yeah. Molly says it should say prove him wrong.

And all of a sudden, I have lost my caretakers. Molly is leaving. But hey i don't need them. That's what I forgot to say earlier. Moly is NOT my mind out loud. Molly's butt hurts. Anyways.

Serious now. I will wait til Molly leaves to get serious only to have her read whatever i write tomorrow.

So yeah. I am confused. I don't know. There isn't much to it except I am confused. ack. Well at least I get to go home soon where I will brew over this confusion some more. And i don't even get a chance to clear up confusion unless i do it within the next couple days and i have to say that the next couple days are going to be crazy as is and i dont need to throw this in there as well. this is where i censor myself and not say too much. but if anyone out there is really perceptive (there is really only one person who might know what im confused about), ask me about it. OK. wow. i just read what i wrote and it looks like im in the closet and trying to figure out if im gay or something! hahaha. no worries people, i am straight and this confusion is not that. :-) but yeah i wish the confusion would clear itself up.

this nite has been a crazy one. and i have no home work done to show for it! yay!

ya know. sometimes after a really fun nite, when everyone has finally left, i sometimes get a little down. there is no gradual move from REALLY fun to not fun at all. its a roller coaster ride. and now im lonely. and confused. and still stuck with lots of math homework. i wish it were thursday and i werent bothered by the homework and that way i could just work on the confused part. ia m going to reread this blog later on and regreat ever saying anything. but thats ok. ive been quiet enough about stuff. its about time i speak up. or speak up in a cryptic way.. ok. im done for the nite.

good bless us all (i saw a christmas carol tonite. not that great)

Good nite.


Tonight I saw Max in this quality shirt. It was really nice. Anyway, how was my weekend? Nothing special, except for meeting Jim Breuer. And my leg hair is really long. I should really get that Naired, or something. I'm flying home on Friday to Islip, out of Providence, mad props to Neal on taking me... good thing I'm there for him to take his girlfriend. Vonda's a tool for downloading several versions of Holy Night. Check out the WPI Acronym dictionaru.

That was William's blog for the nite. How tooltastic of him to shameless plug his website *which is spelled wrong* on my blog. Anyways thats all for William, AKA Milliam.

this is vonda typing. i dont think molly will make it. i think william shakes too much. th8is has been a reallyu weird nite. i zm boinb to stp correnting my typing errors

no i m not drunk. i am the fun police. this is me being random. this is me being me

this is your penis
tyhis is your penis on drugs

wow i am going to look at this and wak myself what crack mam i on? better yet, what crack are molly and william on?

So, I am in such a punchy mood tonight and it is getting worse as the night goes on. (this is still Molly by the way) I was talking to Vonda's brother on IM and I absolutely accidently somehow pressed 69 and enter that was a big oops. so now Vonda's brother thinks that I am a pervert or somehing and suggesting things to him. But I'm not. It was a complete accident and I dont' know how it happened. Anyway, William is laying on top of Vonda and laughing so much that they are both shaking. William's mind is totally in the gutter, and apparetnly so is Vonda's that last sentence was ment to be very literal. William is laughing silently so all you ca see is his body shaking, and it makes Vonda shake too...that'sall plain and simple. I think it is getting late, because Vonda can't read.She thought I only wrote Vonda too instead of Vonda shakes too...but no it was there.. I went back to change it but I didn't knee to. We definatelly laughted about that for a ver long time

Oh man, I just lost at the not it game. I was typing and i couldn't touch my nose. Vonda has a phobia of noses, and William has hairy legs.

so the most perfect blog in the world was just deleted because Vonda is a dork and pressed soemthing that made it close *temporary delay due to argument with Milliam* So I will summarize it for you while Vonda pouts on the fouton. Vonda and I ( I being Molly ) had a wrestling wedgie fight with William since a certain someone not to be named, cough William cough, wears tighty whities.We were slightly sucessfull.

Vonda then started to talk out loud while she was typing which is the most ANNOYING thing ever!!!!! So she was bitching about something that I had said and how I'm going to stay up all night but she doesn't think that I can, and she totally missed a word while writting. I just happened to look over at the monitor right when she was writting/saying said sentence and I pointed out that she missed the work "need." She proceeded to complain about houw she doesn't like it when people read over her shoulder and correct her spelling or grammer. I think she was over reacting personally.

HAHAHA and may I just say that William is the funniest ever. Vonda was asking what she should call William's parents. She suggested Wendy and Willy, but William siggested Wendy and get out of the fucking shouwer.I like the latter better AND William has a peach fuzzy back side.

The next topic of disscussion was about how girls poop, and how Paul did not get it that girls poop. However, Vonda continued to explain that of course girls poop, girls are human beings and girls must poop, plus if girls did not poop then certain unmentionable things would not be possible. ( think nasty, because wa all know Vonda is nasty...deep down, she is)

So that was basically the end of her awesome blog...kind of dissapointing huh :)

Vonda is currently saying that she hates me. However, she knows that I really love her. I do this all out of fun. She is truely one of my best friends here, and tomorrow, she will not hate me.

Thursday, December 05, 2002

Before I start randomly putting down my thoughts, I would like to say to those that read this that this is MY blogger. These are MY thoughts. This journal helps me stay sane. And I put it online because I like to let people know what's on my mind too as I try to sort through stuff. And I rarely ever start a blog intentionally wanting to hurt someone. And if I hurt you by accident, I'm sorry. But this is my blogger... which means it's really about ME. I may write about people in my life or write about events in my life that relate others to it, but in the end, what I write is about me. If you can't understand that, then please don't read my blogger. Because in the end, I'll feel bad for writing down my thoughts and I don't think I should ever feel bad about trying to sort through my thoughts and my life. Unless I start the blog "Dear [insert name that isn't my own]", the blog is not about YOU. It's just me, people. Me. And I'm sorry that I offended people even though I feel there is no reason for anger. I write what I feel is true and yes the truth sucks but I deal with it too. I am more sorry that those who got offended wrote stuff in their own blogger KNOWING that I would see it and see the comments that were only there to intentionally hurt me, to make me feel like I was worth nothing. I don't write blogs to start petty fights. If you're looking for a fight, I'm not the one to go to. I already fight with myself enough. So PLEASE PLEASE let me live. And move on. Because I am. And if you can't move on, then I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. It's hurting me too much. And I shouldn't be feeling hurt for trying to sort out my life. OK. That's that.

Now. Snow. Beautiful. Makes me smile. I don't know what it is. When I see fresh white snow, I perk up. It's hard to find beauty in the world sometimes these days. I just felt like running around til I couldn't feel my toes. Or make snow angels. I tired to convince Molly to make a snow angel around noon but she refused. :-P And might I add I love how the bells play songs. As me and molly were walking to class today, we sang along with the bells as they chimed out the Star Spangled Banner. Spangled! Say it! SPANGLED! Insane. It's such a weird word. Anyways, the snow makes me happy. Very happy. I don't want to drive in it. But living in it is good to me. I can't wait to go home to Erie where the lake effect snow dumps a lot on us every year. :-)

Home. Break. No real thinking. Just friends and family. Oh man. Let the good times begin.

Me and Adam won SocComm Films chairs. WOO! I am so psyched! I have always wanted to really become involved with SocComm and here I am. Ready to embark on the crazy adventure with the other SocCommers. It's gonna be a great year.

My dad finally caved in and he is sending me 200 to get a full measured tune up to make sure I get home OK. Also Kurt might be riding home with me too which would be great because a driving companion is always helpful. Especially with the weather and my crappy car. Although Kurt for more than 4 or 5 hours does scare me a little. But hey I'll get by. :-)

If I were to get two Bs and an A, I would be all happy about this term. It was hard. Whatever though. As long as I passed. And get into Denmark. Please let me go to Copenhagen!

OK. That is all. I am really tired for some reason. Need to study for the math stats quiz and get rest. Nite.

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

So I talked to Molly for a long long long time tonite about the most random things and yet the important things (it always works like that huh? You always gravitate to what's important when you just want to be random) and I just realized that the only people who have been all the way constant in my life this year while I've been at WPI have been her and William. And it's not like I mean to do that or that anyone else in the world means to do that either. It just feels like this year, my life is crazy and not running on the same tracks as everyone. And I realized today just how much I miss everyone else (not that William and Molly aren't the greatest because they really are) and miss how simple last year was. For example today, after I was done talking to Molly, me and her went upstairs to see the boys (I haven't been to see the boys at all this term it feels like) and I go and talk to Zach. Somewhere it comes up that Matt only found out YESTERDAY that Zach and I were talking again (because he saw me and zach were IMing each other last nite). And ya know what? He has every right to not know that me and Zach resolved (well kinda resolved) things weeks ago. Because I haven't been around at all to show that things were resolved. That's how bad it's gotten. It took him WEEKS to figure out something that should have been evident the moment it was resolved. Anyways I miss them. I miss just hanging out. And when I left at midnite, Matt said "Oh already? So soon?" and dammit it was too soon. But I had to go. I always have to go or ALWAYS have something to do. My life needs to become more flexible. I can't bear to hear another friend tell me that they feel like I'm never there or feel like I don't care. Because I do. Dammit I do. Believe me. I do.

I can't wait til C term. One less class and no events to play and an easier life. Ha. I say that now but I now I am going to eat my words next term. Sufficiency! Anyways, just want to state how much I miss last year. I miss Paul and all the hours we would spend doing nothing and all the talks we would have and I even miss his damn nose attacks. I miss Joey and our SNAP nites. Tonite we reminisced about our first ride together and how when the radio said "SNAP" he said "Knock yourself out. Go for it." and I picked up the radio and truly felt that SNAP was the best job. OR the other time when I "lost" (it was not my fault, he hit my hand) Joey's pen cap and we spent a half hour outside of Price Chopper because I had refused to find the pencap or take blame for it and so he parked at the far end of the parking lot and I refused to move from the entrance to the store and we stood like that for a HALF hour as it began to lightly snow. Then I gave in because some girl needed a ride and she said "Gee you guys really get along huh?" I decided to be the mature one finally. Hahahaha. Wow. That was such a funny nite. I miss Katie and our random cheese and cracker attacks. Hahaha or the nite she came into my room at 5:30 because the Doto bird's boyfriend had peed all over the carpet in a drunken stupor! HAHAHA. I miss my roomie Stash and our random talks and just the cute concern we had for each other. I miss Zach and the rare laundry talks where for once we weren't being asses to each other. I miss William and being able to walk down the hall and watch TiVo whenever instead of having to intricately plan our "hook-ups". I miss it all. Ho hum. Warm memories for such a cold ass nite.

Long Island was a blast and a half. I had such a wonderful time. We played Super Mario Brothers 3 on NES. Woo! And we beat it and it rocked. And me and Franny got along scarily well. I guess from what I have heard, Franny usually doesn't like any of William's friends. She even dragged her mattress into William's room and we had a big ol' sleepover where she serenaded us to sleep with her off key Star Spangled Banner (missing one verse also). I saw the Macy's Day Parade and froze my ass and toes off. I have to say it was worth it when I saw the Sesame float and got super giddy seeing Big Bird and Grover. Oh man it was awesome. We did hardcore shopping Friday and I got new shoes and cute pajamas. Spent all of Saturday lounging around. Then got yelled at by William's dad to "Get out of the fucking shower!" hahahaha he thought I was Franny. He profusely apologized later for it. Some random quotes:
1. "Just to clarify, I'm NOT sorry!" -- Me after punching William for something he did.
2. During Scatergories, the questions asked was what's something black that begins with an "i"? Franny answers "indians" and me and William challenge and she gets not point and her response is "I don't know why I got challenged when it's true!"
3. Name a major that begins with an "i" and Franny replies "investment banking"!
4. "I wish I were playing (Super Mario Brothers 3) with my brother. He is as flawless as I am." - Said very jappily (Jewish American Princess style) by me while playing with sucky William.

I can't wait to have Asian babies by the way. Because almost ALL Asian babies are cute as hell! I have yet to really find an ugly one. Plus during the Macy's Day Parade, there was this adorable 6 or 7 year old asian kid near us. There were about 3 or 4 other non-asian kids near too (white, hispanic, and black actually). I am listening to the 2-4 kids talk about kids stuff like "I want hot chocolate!" or "Get me a balloon!" etc etc etc. Kids' stuff. But man oh man. The asian kid was all kewl. Instead of talking about kid's stuff, he makes this comment "I'm bored. All we do is wait and listen to those people talk. Blah blah blah *makes talking hand motions*" Whoa. This kid is WAY beyond his years. His comments were exactly what we were saying a little bit ago. And there is no way he could have heard us. It was enlightening to see a kewl kid like this cute asian kid. So yeah. That's why i can't wait to have asian kids. I want one JUST LIKE HIM! :-)

OK I think that is enough blogging for one entry. I just am waiting for William to get back so we can hook up over TiVo (we have Friends, Boston Public, and a West Wing to cover). Good times. Nite!

Monday, December 02, 2002

I feel like I should blog. But I am so tired. I just spent my entire nite working on Theory of Interest homework. I only left 5 out of 16 blank which is kickass good. I can ask about 2-3 of them in class tomorrow and get help from someone (ahem James or Kimmy or Jeff) for the last few and those will be out of my hair. All I have to worry about right now is 1. Math stats (which I didn't start and there are 7 of them and I REALLY don't understand this class and I didn't do the last homework assignment) 2. the LCA dinner and how I am going to get money for it 3. AGD meeting and how am I going to be able to go to it 4. my car and whether it will be able to go home with me or not 5. misc RA stuff that is floating over my head like a thunderstorm waiting to happen. Please let this term end right now so I don't have to deal with all this. But hey this is how all terms end. Except this one is just a little bit suckier.

Thankfully Thanksgiving break was wonderful. Long Island was great (and yes I guess I was impressed). Thanks William. Even if you are an uncompromising jerk at times. :-)

More details when my head isn't spinning with annuities and sinking funds.

OK. Must sleep. Can't nobody hold me down....... except myself. Nite. (Yes, Can't Nobody Hold Me Down is the anthem of the week... it keeps me moving ;-) )