dream apartment

You know when life seems ridiculously stressful and your face breaks out because you can't seem to even grasp how things are not coming together? Well that happened to me a few weeks ago. BUT. Do you also know how life sometimes miraculously works itself out eventually, and that you somehow get super lucky? Yeah that happened to me too. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that my cousin and I have just secured the most amazing apartment for the next two years. It's in Chinatown and great. It has floor to ceiling windows, central air and heat, high ceilings (sucky on the heating/AC thing, but great on the vibe of the apartment), laundry in the building, newly applianced kitchen and a bathroom twice the size of what we got going on right now. It's more expensive, but truly worth it and is within walking distance of my office and Lee's school. I cannot wait to move out of the crap hole we live in and truly have a place to really settle into. I can't wait for the living room and not having a communal "nook" as we call it. It's going to be great and you are all invited to check it out once we move in. :-) Also, if you want to help us move, we'd love that too. ;-) Actually, one of my coworkers offered to help, which I was touched by. Considering my own lazy best friend would never offer his barely worked hands to help (don't worry, I love him anyways and this is not new news in anway), I was pretty surprised to see my coworker offer. Nonetheless, I have a feeling we might just say eff it and get movers. We hate moving. :-P

Bob Saget... amazing. Really, the guy is a total pervert and I love him for it. We couldn't stop laughing. The moment he called his TV daughters c*ck blocks (I have to censor, because Blogger has deleted my blogs before when I happened to use the word c*nt in a completely non-derogatory way), I knew this man was a hero. :-P Seriously though, he is hilarious. If you doubt me, watch Dirty Work and let me know what your new opinion of him is. He directed it!

Had a final brunch with Joe. It's a shame he will be in NC for the next year. He shall be missed. I already consider Denmark one of the best times in my life, and I am reminded of how great it was each time I see the great friend I got out it. Oh snap, I am getting way too cheezy for this blog. :-)

Can't stay up late. Work beckons in the morning. North Carolina in three weeks!!!!!!!!!!dream

three things

Dane Cook said we all do three things:
1. Lie
2. Cry
3. Take painful poops

I am not sure what I really wanted to blog about. I threw on some Aimee Mann and for some reason, I got hit with this urge to just write something, anything. Once in high school, we were instructed to write whatever came to our minds, with no censorship. Let's do that, folks.

I am jumping around with my thoughts because I am already trying to censor myself before I start writing. And now I already realize that I do that too often. I make myself into this image I think I should be. Am I really that person? Also, is my weirdness really me, or is this censored me? I am probably talking gibberish, but lately I have had more self doubt that ever before. I don't feel unhappy really, but very destitute about things. It's bad though, when I wish I could win the lottery everyday. I guess that is an indicator that my position in life right now isn't what it should be. Then again, almost every person wishes they could win the lottery. I don't even want all the money, I just want to be able to do nothing. OK, maybe not. But sometimes, I do wonder if all I want to be when I grow up is a mom and a wife. My super feminist side is thinking NO NO NO. That is not what you spent your life working towards. But then again, shouldn't it be about choice? I can CHOOSE to be a wife and mother and be proud. But I think my judgemental side would deem myself somewhat of a failure, or at least, taking the easy way out. Why must I judge like this? Whether it's braces on adults, ditzy people on American Idol, or the lack of knowledge on grammar and/or current events. I judge. I hate that about myself. I really do. It makes my top 3 list of flaws about myself. I think I trick myself into thinking that judging people keeps me from lowering my standards. Is that demented? Maybe. Yes.

PAUSE. I am restraining from reading what I just wrote. The urge is strong, but I shouldn't. I am trying to be truthful or whatever. Damn you Aimee Mann, your music always makes me feel like I should be psycho analyzing myself. As if I don't do that enough every day as is. I worry I won't grow up to be the person people want me to be. Actually, the important people in my life are proud of me and tell me that I am a great role model and are doing really well for myself. So why do I feel so unsatisfied? Do all twenty somethings feel this way? PAUSE. Yes.

PAUSE. ::sigh:: Sometimes life feels far too complicated. I love a good problem and trying to find the solution (maybe why I chose math in college), but life never hands your this "one solution only" problem. And to me, that just seems overwhelming. I am indecisive. William picked that as one of my major flaws. Timid too. I think I am agressive about everyone's life, but my own. Wow that had such a ridiculous touch of truth to it. I fight for my brother's, Lisa's, my mom's, everyone's, but I never fight for what I deserve or what I want in my life. How can I be telling these people how to live their lives when I don't even fight to live mine the way I want to? I am such a hypocrite. Damn. Another flaw.

PAUSE. I got nothing. OK, I lied. Actually I got a lot of thoughts running through my head, but I don't think I can be that honest to write it all down. Again, deceiving myself, or at least holding it in until I cry. My Hoover Dam mentality gets Katrina'ed every now and then. But humans are meant to handle this ridiculous range of emotions. So give me what you got. Lie, cry, and painful poops. I can handle them any day. Maybe not all in one day, though. Painful poops should really be a category all in its own. ;-)

extremely negligent

Ah jeez. I've been extremely negligent of my blog.

April has been one busy month. You know, I used to keep this daily day to day log of minute inane things I did. I stopped carrying around the mini-journal. I should start up again. I swear I've been busy, but when it comes time to mention stuff, I completely blank out. Let's see, to sum things up since I last blogged:
1. The Top of the Hub (top floor at the Prudential Center) is very cool. I really do enjoy light jazz and a great view of the city.
2. Jamie Cullum was GREAT. He was just fantastic. It's odd, but I have to say I craved his music much more after seeing him in concert. I am so glad I went.
3. Board Game Night at the pub was really fun. I unfortunately lost in Scrabble due to Lisa's tile mishap, but Lisa and I owned Pictionary. The two best words of the night that we mastered were fog and William friggin' Shakespeare. It was neat to meet random Bostonians who loved board games.
4. Lee is a quarter century year old and I love her very much. Also, Hanni and soon to be Ben and Tom are joining the 23 year old club.
5. Celtics lost to the worst team in the league, the Knicks. Boo.
6. Apartment hunting is stressful and awful and makes me want to jump off a cliff. Wherever I move next, I am planting and staying FOREVER. Or at least two years. I cannot apartment hunt again.
7. Donald Faison doing Bell Biv Devoe's Poison on Scrubs makes me feel unbelievably better no matter how I feel.
8. A friend of mine is going to India for a year. Happy for him because that's cool. Sad for me because I won't get to speak with him whenever I want.
9. I am beginning to see how Myspace can be addictive. Don't worry, I am not converting, but it is tempting.
10. The Y chromosome is obviously very flawed. I thank my lucky stars I only have X's. People who ask why I would want to have little baby girls rather than boys have obviously never met any of the men in my family. I can't risk passing on any bad character traits to my kids. Not to say I believe that stuff is genetic, but hell, why risk it. :-P This is me being very light about how angry I am (and sometimes get) at a particular parent and/or sibling. Today, on a scale of 1 to 10 of upsetness, I'd say I was at an 8. Not good.
11. I have never felt as much a failure as I did this weekend. I honestly have no idea what I am doing with my life.
12. I have to end on a good note: I have tickets to see Phoenix at TT's in Cambridge in May. How excited am I? Proverbially crapping my pants really. :-P

That's right, I went there. CRAPPING MY PANTS IN EXCITEMENT, PEOPLE! I'll let that image settle in as I force myself into slumber. :-)