Saturday, October 30, 2004

swing of things

Ah, let's see. The Red Sox riot was awesome. The crowd met at the quad and then progressed to Highland St. right in front of the B. Very impressive and such. I was two blocks away watching since I was the cripple and feared getting run over by crazy Sox fans. There was some fire, some police, riot gear (and the police breaking up the riot), some body surfing and lots of craziness. There were these funny guys with big shocker hands and everytime we walked by, they'd scream "Big Shocker!" It made me laugh very much. One of the other funny occurences was watching a man and his two young children run around screaming over the Red Sox. Overall, a memorable and something to talk about to the kids one day if the Sox were to not win another World Series for 86 years.

This week has been kinda busy but I do find my time to rest. I've got MQP nailed down and my classes are going alright. I only somewhat fall asleep during Num Meth but that is OK. I look to Elise to help keep me awake.

I finally saw the rest of Sex and the City with Carla today. I cried at a few parts. That show is so good. I can't wait to own the last part of the second season and just have it all. That show is so easy to fall in love with. I could watch it all the time.

William and I were losers tonight. We stayed in and watched TiVo. Well he watched TiVo and I fell asleep next to him. He didn't know I was sleeping until a really funny joke passed and he noticed there was no noise coming from me. :-P Anyways, we both put up away messages about being losers. I got two positive and one negative comment, haha. It's nice to know people care. William on the other hand, zero. :-P I also talked to Tom a little and wished Ian and Matt Hazel happy birthdays. I hope they both buck up and such. They actually remind me a lot of each other in a way.

We got new members the other day and I am pretty excited. I am a sister-mom again as well, but I share her with another person. My new daughter Caitlin seems really cool and I look forward to getting to know her. I can't wait until we have all our new members. This time of the year is always so much work and yet so rewarding.

I think I might be hanging out with Rob sometime before this weekend is over. Nervous? Sure. :-P I'm such a weird person, hope it doesn't scare him haha.

Anyways, long and rainy day tomorrow. Not really looking forward to it, but I will live. I guess I should make my sleep worth it.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

busy bee

First day of classes went smoothly except for one small mistake of going to the wrong classroom for my 9am. I did see Rob there and was thoroughly confused since our majors have next to none overlap. Anyways, ACC 2101 seems ok and MA 3257 looks boring or evil. Take your pick.

I hate walking into a classroom and seeing two (or more) sets of people I know and want to sit with but aren't sitting near each other. Then you have to choose. And you feel bad because you kinda wanted to sit with the other people too. Anyone feeling my pain on this? :-)

I was soo sore today from all the walking. I almost would have rather had stair issues than walking issues. Thankfully everyone gave me rides when needed and I am getting by. I am tempted to use my pain meds but I think I can't bear it. I want to save it for the excruciating times.

My reception was nice and small and lovely. I got some interesting gifts from my Danish Dames and wonderful hugs from the rest of the group. Everyone is far too fantabulous.

I still have no unpacked my clothes. I must do this sometime. Maybe tomorrow after 8pm. I am such a slacker.

Living with William is so interesting. He is so great and bad all at the same time. He's my joo. Anyways, we have a very strict knock on door policy in this house. I very much follow it. No need to be that close to any of my roommates or their significant others! The bathroom is amazing though and almost my favorite room in the apartment. The newness makes me giddy!

Joyous news: I fixed Outlook. Yes! Now I have a decent calendar again.
Other joyous news: Red Sox? Fuck yeah! Three games! We might need to get the broom out!

Question: Why must some people always have such a poor outlook on life? It drives me nuts because unless things are perfect, these people can never find solace or contentment. Accept life for what it is and do not spend your life trying to make life perfect. It's such a waste. Just enjoy and ride the wave you were meant to surf. Crash or hang ten, whatever. Just don't be that wuss on the beach with your board bitching about how cold it is, or how you suck, or how the rest of the world sucks. It gets tiring and you waste perfectly good waves.

I think I do too much. I even got a planner. Yeah... about that. :-P

Monday, October 25, 2004


I have come back to the land that says "wicked" as if it were common as hello and good bye. It feels damn good.

Ian was sooo nice and took me out to dinner and a movie and even gave me a gift - my first Red Sox shirt! I wore it the first game in support. I hope they win, even though they are WICKED sloppy right now.

The car ride to MA was long and smokey. My dad's driving isn't my favorite. I woke up my wonderful roommates at 7:45am to move stuff into the apartment. I spent the entire day entertaining people and watching them assemble a lot of my stuff.

I am very tired and running of less than 4 hours of sleep. I have a Big 3 SocComm lunch, SocComm Exec, my Welcome Back party, and Spiderman 2. Wow, it's nice to feel busy again. :-)

Last minute thought: Damn the stairs a bitch! It's wicked exhausting to go up and down.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

jesus walks... into the world series!

Wow... wow... wow... I can't handle how good this week is. The Red Sox in the WORLD SERIES! Beating the Yankees from 3 down... first ever. Jesus AKA Johnny Damon totally came through. I can't believe it. I can't wait to go back to school and watch the turn out of the World Series. Fuck yeah Red Sox!

Jesus walks... into the world series and so am I!

That's right... you heard right! I am WALKING! I am down to one crutch and putting full weight on my leg. I might even graduate up to a cane soon. I will be the gimp pimp!

I can't believe how good I feel right now. Seriously. Day after day... more and more good things are happening to me. Karma is finally paying me back for the past three months. Happiness is something I could never grow tired of.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

best day ever

Today has just been capped off by the hopefully the second best game ever, because tomorrow should be the best if God lets it. The Red Sox battle back, from 0-3, to force a game 7. Who knew? I wasn't sure if I believed, and I don't know if I believe now... but I have a hope. I will definitely be rooting and I'm sure I'll vomit either way and get tons of text messages from Hanni, who equally will be queazy. Who knew Hanni, the most girly girl I know and used to loathe sports in general, would become a sports fan? Anything's possible and I'm hoping game 7 tomorrow will prove that.

Going on to the best news ever: I am allowed to bear full weight on my right leg AND got the go ahead to go back to school. So this little cripple Asian is gonna be in Worcester this weekend, and start B term! I can't believe it. I almost cried due to pure surprise... I was setting myself up for the worst and instead got the best. I am so happy right now... floating on cloud 9.

Here are a few x-ray shots of my pelvis and the metal. The first is a birds eye view... the pretty view I like to call it:

And this one is the one that shows the screws really nailed into my acetabular AKA the joint of the pelvis:

Crazy huh? That metal will be there forever!

Only scary part of the day, my dad actually got into a tiny fender bender in the parking garage. Gave me a jolt. Luckily no damage and I didn't freak out, which means I think I'm OK to drive. The doctor said ok, let's just hope my nerves are cool with it. :-)

I have PT tomorrow at 8am. I am so excited to give them my new status. Seriously... best day ever!

Monday, October 18, 2004

red sox mania

Holy crap. I think I just crapped myself. Those two games were possibly the most exciting and excruciating games I have experienced in my life. Maybe tied with game 7 of last years ALCS. I can't believe it. I want to hope hardcore, but I am partially scared to only because I don't think I could handle them losing. I'd maybe even cry. Oh Red Sox... I have faith. Just do it.

Shopping was nice. Met Ace's boyfriend finally. I rolled over and shook his hand and said "Hi! I'm Vonda, the cripple." :-D

So they didn't schedule me for therapy today and didn't tell me that until I got there. Butt monkeys.

Other great news, there was a cancelation at Dr. Cross's office at 8:15am so I took that slot for tomorrow. Which means... if all goes well... I'd be back in Worcester this weekend. I'll give the final word tomorrow after Game 6. :-D Time for bed. I got a 4:45am wake up alarm going to get out of the house by 5:30 to make it to Pittsburgh in time with traffic. Gawd this week is gonna be a long one! Keep me in your thoughts tomorrow as I get the news from my surgeon!

Sunday, October 17, 2004

save me

Time to unload... being at home is starting to take its toll. I haven't been home this long since before college. And it's driving me crazy. My dad, my mom, and my brother. My dad has a temper and is moody and just randomly decides he wants to be angry at the world. You never know when to expect it and I am sick of having to deal with it. I am not your punching bag. My mom is just far to frustrating to work with at times, and I am her complaint person. Everything she complains about, she comes to me, almost expecting me to do something about it. Not all complaints should be told to me. I am her daughter. Some things should be talked about with her sisters or someone else - but not your daughter. I just can't handle it anymore. And my brother. Ugh, I love that ass monkey, but he has a serious attitude problem. He is 20 and completely aimless in life. I try to instill a sense of urgency in him, that he needs to get his life into gear and show more respect to the family. Some ideas were pay rent, pay for food, look for an apartment, help mom and dad out, don't be gone every day and only come home to sleep... just be fuckin' responsible! It's not hard! Everyone always tells me that it's my duty to take care of him and guide him, but I can't guide him if he refuses to listen or follow. I can't shoulder his problems and burdens my whole life, nor the entire family. I am 21, dealing with recovering from a horrific accident, trying to graduate from college on time, and basically find my future in this mess. Do I look like I am capable of handling the problems of a whole family? NO. I did it for at least the last 4 years of highschool. I just want a little time away, and I thought I got that with college but then this accident has forced me into this vicious cycle all over again. If anyone wonders why I chose to go to school 500 miles from home, this is why. It's so frustrating! Please... save me.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family... but I think I've reached my limit. I just needed to vent wicked bad.

Thankfully my second family, Becky's family, somewhat helps balance out the scariness of my family in times like theseand saves me from losing my sanity at times (I am stuck in my house typically 5 days a week for the entire day except for a half hour of physical therapy MWF... talk about going stir crazy). Lunch was very fun and chatty. They are getting a new dog and it was the vote of the day at the table. Although most of us voted for smaller dogs, I think they are getting the lab, which isn't so small. I just hope it cheers up Becky's mom some since Sparky died. There was definitely a 10 minute discussion of calculators with Daddio, Tony, and I because we are nerds like that. Daddio is a hardcore HP man, while Tony and I are Generation TI. Overall a fabulous lunch at the Texas Roadhouse.

Tomorrow is shopping with the sisters again, this time a complete run around the bases with a trip to Old Navy, the Millcreek Mall, and possibly Walmart and Target. Just what I like. :-)

All I can say about the Yankees right now is: What the fuck? Ugh!

So the savior of the day and everyday of B term most likely is going to be Molly Stone Nawrath. She just offered to take me up the hill everyday since her handicap parking pass lasts all the way until January and she works in Admissions in the morning and plans on dropping me off at AK before she heads there at 9am each day. I could just hug her forever for that. Honestly, that was a big concerm - getting up and down the hill.

I am currently mentally preparing for my return to school. I am going to go no matter what the surgeon says (although I'm sure he won't say no). I've started an extensive to do list, as well as packing list. I've purchased the school insurance, removed my hold, changed a couple of my classes, and emailed the appropriate people. I am really going to come back and I am going to be ready when it happens. It's going to be a tough term, but if I can handle living in my house for 3 months as a cripple, I will so be able to handle 7 weeks of half cripple-ness at WPI. As John Kerry says, "Bring it on!"

Saturday, October 16, 2004


So my favorite pair of jeans went MIA. Last I saw them, I gave them to my mom because they needed a wash. Well when I told her I needed them, and she couldn't find them, my mother went cccrazy. She has this personality that comes out when things get lost in the house. She just gets really really mad at me. And claims it was my fault, except she remembers washing them as well. And obviously being the cripple who can't get to the laundry room very well, I definitely didn't put them away. Finally after some horrible searching (which involved going through every bag we of clothes being donated to Goodwill), SURPRISE... they were found in a duffel bag, folded neatly, underneath all my purses. And yet somehow, my mother tries to lay blame on me... when I haven't touched that bag in months. Anyways that's my mother complaint for the week.

I had a dream last night that I finally got to take my first steps with real weight on my right leg... and it didn't hurt. It was nice. Diana told me she had a dream about me too, where I was rock climbing and felt as if the accident never happened. I hope these dreams come remotely true.

Physical therapy, surprisingly for once, wiped the floor with my today. I had it with my actual therapist and not his assistant for once. He worked me hard. I did some difficult mat exercises for the first 20 min (lots of rotation that I haven't mastered yet), did a couple exercises on the machines to work my hamstring and quads, and finally... the doozie... 10 minutes straight on the bike. Let me say after I finished the bike, I was sweating and my left supporting leg felt like jello. I hobbled to the lobby and sat down for 5 minutes and proceeded to try to walk to the car, taking plenty of pit stops due to fears of my leg giving out. I attribute the "getting my ass kicked" to the fact that I only got 3 hours of sleep unfortunately and the out of shape factor. I passed out real quick when I got home. I wonder how many days I'm gonna have that are gonna be like that... plenty I'm sure. No pain, no gain right?

I woke up to an unexpected lovely phone call from Daniel. It was nice to chat with him. We always know how to laugh with each other. That's what I really like about him - I can always expect good witty banter. He was killing time before some huge exam he had. I was so jealous... he said it was 80 degrees in Austin, TX. Anyways, I love getting a chance to actual talk to him. He's definitely one of those people that I could talk forever with because 1. I talk a lot and 2. he keeps me interested and chasing the conversation for hours on end. I like to be intrigued and interested. I love good humor and I hate to admit it, but sometimes I like to be given a hard time. :-P What can I say, I always like a good challenge.

I am so jealous of Hanni this weekend. She gets to see one of my favorite gays and one of my favorite straights. So not fair! Both Ben and Tom (who was a last minute addition) are coming into Boston this weekend. And if I weren't so crippled, I could be there with them... enjoying my last A term break. Well I hope they have a fabulous time. I miss them all a lot.

Ian took me to see Team America tonight. Oh... my... gawd. That movie is the best inappropriate thing out there. 10 minutes into the movie; after there was a scene about blow jobs in a car, the couple to our right got up and left... and never came back. It was awesome. I would definitely buy the soundtrack because some of that stuff was too funny. This movie made puppet sex... so raunchy and wrong. I would encourage anyone with a true sense of humor and no qualms about inappropriateness to see this film. Warning: it's not for everyone, so don't say I didn't warn you "love good clean humor" people. :-)

With the postponement of the Sox/Yankees game, I find myself struggling to find good TV. Maybe I'll do a DVD or a Sex marathon. Tomorrow, I've got lunch with my second family and maybe another outing with my favorite 12 year old. And Sunday is shopping with Becky and her sisters. Outlook for the weekend: fun with a chance of excitement and surprise. Oh and fall rain, but that was expected. :-)

Friday, October 15, 2004


Last night, I was up wicked late due to the long nap I had in the afternoon. Anyways, my father apparently had a nightmare because he was yelling out in his sleep. It was kinda scary. He was yelling mom in Vietnamese. I thought he was yelling for my mom, but then it hit me today that he was yelling for his mom. He spent the entire day watching the tapes of my grandmother's funeral. It was kinda sad. I never like to watch the videos... they creep me out and it's very depressing. I didn't know my dad's mom. She lived in Vietnam all her life. She sounded like a good woman though. The same could not be said for my dad's dad. I guess the suckiness runs through the Y chromosome.

The other day, my uncle, Bac Dien, called from California. I was forced to talk to him for 30 minutes, and it had to be in Vietnamese. He told me my Vietnamese wasn't as bad as he had been told. Truth be told, it wasn't a half bad conversation. He told me the same stuff though, take care of your brother, stay in school, succeed, blah blah blah. I've only met him a few times, the last time being when I was maybe 12 or 13. It's kinda sad that I hardly know my father's side of the family. My dad is the second youngest of 7 (or maybe 8) - two girls and the rest boys. I only know the youngest uncle really well, Chu Bing, who is my favorite uncle. He lives in NC and I really miss him. I haven't see him in a year or so. He has a new wife and a new child. I wish they would visit. Anyways, he got promoted to favorite after my first favorite uncle, Bac Quan, died when I was 5 of colon cancer. He was awesome, always visited because he never married and was really fun - and the nicest person. Too bad he died of stubbornness. He was too stubborn to get himself checked out when everyone told him to. And by the time he did, it was too late. The other uncle, I met when I was around 5 as well, Bac Xuan, and he died a week after my horrific car accident this year of colon/rectum cancer as well. My one aunt, Bac Nghia, is a prestigious nun and she calls sometimes, but she doesn't sound nearly as cool or sincere. She's a nun - cold and righteous. :-P And the last aunt, I forget her name, but she has a lot of cool kids who are rockin' cousins. They are all older though, in their 30s or 40s. Whenever I visit Chi (I don't know how to spell her name), she always makes her kids call me Aunt Vonda or Go Vonda. It's embarassing. :-P Anyways, I regret that I never got to know my dad's side of the family as well as I know my mom's side.

The Actuarial Exam is creeping up on me and I am scared I am not prepared enough. I am decent in calc until you hit the nasty nasty integration stuff, sequences and series, and anything with tangent lines and stuff. And probability... gawd, that stuff is so shaky with me. I am going to need some intense sessions with Prof. Abraham to get that in gear. I really want to pass this time. Or else I am screwed out of job options. Maybe I should start considering grad school. :-P

I read the journal I kept my senior year of high school, as well as my freshman year of college. And jeez, I was pathetic. There's definitely this awful stretch of entries where I was so overly obsessed with this one person. I told him today about it. He laughed, and seemed so egotistical about the fact that I had that huge thing for him - the reaction I was expecting. We're still friends now, and actually we talk a little bit more often now that I'm so damn free. It's nice to remember those days, because even though it killed me for a while, it was worth the friendship.

Ok, I have PT at 8am. I need to stop having naps after PT. It's killing my days and turning me into a night owl. Hope I don't dream anything creepy.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

eff you see kay

FUCK times infinity. That's for the Yankees. It's excruciating to watch the Red Sox lose like this. They better win the next three games at home, or they are in BIG BIG trouble.

And I missed the debate for the game, too. But I'm sure it will be on at 3am and I will still be up. Having physical therapy at 8am is tough. I get up at 7am. Go to PT, come home at 8:30. Have breakfast, maybe watch some Dawson's Creek. Then pass out for a couple of hours. It's as if I am living two days in one. It's messing with my head.

So today I did this phone survery for the Gates Millenium Scholars people. I applied when I was a senior, but didn't get it. Anyways, when she asked me what my race was, I told her Asian Pacific Islander, specifically Vietnamese. And THEN, she said "Hey, why don't you have the last name Nguyen?" implying that all Vietnamese people have that last name. I couldn't believe it! I had to laugh, but at the same time... it was somewhat inappropriate to joke about it, especially since it was Gates Millenium and it works with minorities and such, yada yada yada.

My brother is currently hung up on some girl. I don't think I like her. They constantly fight and they aren't even together (yet). It sounds like she needs constant reassurance or something and I hate weakness like that. I just wish he'd wise up and find someone better. I just feel a burn coming on.

My sister made the cover of the Washington Post Magazine. If ya want to read it, here's the link. She rocks. When I got into my accident, she drove up from NC to be there for me and take care of a lot of my legal matters. If it weren't for her, my life would have been a lot more stressful. And to clarify, she is my half sister. My dad and her mom were together for a brief period and she had Marissa 4 years before I was born and a year before he married my mom. I didn't even know she existed until I was 12. She's awesome. And yes people, she is "hot" according to those who have met her. :-P

So an overshare to end this post: I finally figured out a way to clip my toe nails on my right foot. Right after the accident, with the hip/pelvis surgery, I wasn't allowed/able to bend over to reach (I always had to sit upright... if I had an itch on my foot, I had to use my reacher... such a pain!). And I could bend my left leg a certain way to clip those, but could never get the right foot. And I was too scared to ask my mom to do them because I've seen her in action and she is scary with those nail clippers. And my brother refused. So today... finally, I could put my foot on the wheel and bend over just enough to clip them. It felt wonderful. It's the little stuff that shows me how far along I've come since this accident. :-)

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

i am thinking of a four letter word

If I could, I would walk outside and scream FUCK as loud as I could. Damn Yankees. It was a good game though and the Sox really made a run at it. As I told Hanni, "Knock on the wood that Jesus was nailed to because that's the type of wood knocking we need!"

I've officially cleaned and sorted all there is to sort. I feel accomplished. I think packing for Worcester will be a much easier time now, even though my crippleness does get in the way still. Oh well!

Whoa. I love that I am always in on the gossip at WPI. I am not going to divulge anything, not that it concerns most of you, but yeah... shocking information has been told to me!

Last thought of the night: I am really good at doing nails. I think it has to do with my Asian-ness. Or so people tell me! ;-)

Monday, October 11, 2004

ahead of the game

So according to my physical therapists, I am way too advanced for the stuff they have my doing. But they can't have me move onto more difficult things until my weight bearing status changes, which won't happen for two weeks. I am currently trying to bump up my appointment with Dr. Cross so that I can have that status changed, as well as get his opinion on how he felt about me going back to school. It also would give me a week to look for physical therapy places in Worcester and I could actually be at school for the first day and have time to set up my room/apartment and know what needed to be changed. I can't believe the first day of B term is just two weeks away. Thank goodness!

So I once again cleaned so more in my old room. I threw out a whole bunch of clothing I didn't wear and cleaned the dresser. I still have to go through my entire closet though. My mom got tired, so we had to stop since I can't access my closet with the wheelchair as easy. I feel on top of things with the cleaning, because it will make the packing process way easier, as well as keeping my crap to a minimum. Not that it matters this time around since we now have a minivan and I can fit anything in that thing.

Sunday was such a good day. We (being Becky, Ian, Adam, and Tony) went to Ocean's Buffet in Edinboro. The two youngest (Adam and Ian) bitched about having to drive 20 min out to Edinboro JUST FOR FOOD. But I personally think it's the best Chinese food around and at a good price. So they can suck it up, it's not like they were doing anything else at the time. During lunch, Adam told the best poop story (it put all of mine to shame) ever and at certain points, I was laughing so hard I was unable to breathe. It was great. I almost cried... or maybe I did, I can't remember now. Anyways, it was a good time. I saw Cellular afterwards, not as awful as could be, but pretty bad in its own right.

Good news, I think I might have an MQP. It's probably gonna deal with the new proposed Massachusetts automobile insurance rating system. Too bad I am doing it by myself. I always thought I'd have a partner for the hell that is MQP. But I guess not. Better to have an MQP period, right? Yeah that's what I tell myself.

Good surprise find while cleaning: the Edward Scissorhands DVD someone gave me!

Sunday, October 10, 2004

season of excitement

Routine. That has been my life lately. But this weekend hasn't been and it's nice to not have the same schedule. I want spontaneity... stress... surprises. I so desperately want to go back to school.

Tomorrow, I have another lunch date with Becky and Adam... and this time, the red head is joining us. I forgot that Ian doesn't have school Monday and Tuesday. Must be parent-teacher conference time or something. :-P It will be nice to see my favorite 12 year old. What's scary is that this month, he turns 18 and becomes legal - no longer 12. Scary. I remember when he was that awkward 16 year old on his second day at Tinseltown. He's still awkward, but to me, it's Ian. :-)

Another break in the routine - I didn't get a chance to talk to Tom Muller. I almost always call him every weekend to kill two hours or more of his time and mine since we both lead less than exciting lives. Next phone call will start with this message: Your damn Yankees are going down!

I bought the Love Actually DVD. And it's as wonderful as the first time I saw it, the second time, the third time... and the music is as great as ever. There is just something about the movie... the love. Some parts are so wonderful, it makes your heart ache, and at the same time, some parts are so devastating, it makes your heart ache. I'm still waiting for that day where love shatters my heart, whether it be good or bad. Besides the love ache, everytime I watch this movie, I want it to be the Christmas season. I have to restrain myself from putting on Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You. That is one of the few songs that can always perk me up, no matter my mood. That is impressive.

Since last night, I can't stop listening to four key songs. Fiona Apple's I Know and Never Is A Promise, Des'ree's Kissing You, and Eva Cassidy's Songbird. They are all very somber songs, songs that I put on when I'm just in that mood. I'm not upset or sad or anything, even though you would think I was if you listened to these songs. It's just... these songs are so beautiful and make me feel high and depressed all at the same time. Never underestimate the power of music.

So classic series coming up... Red Sox vs. The Yankees. The fuckin' Yankees. Ugh. But I guess if the Red Sox won the World Series without beating the Yankees along the way, it just wouldn't feel nearly as accomplished. And all I can think is... WHY CAN'T I BE IN NEW ENGLAND! If the Sox were to win... there would be riots all over New England and I want to say I was there for it all. Although I think there would be riots if they lose like they did last year. Or at least a lot of suicide threats. Those Sox fans are maniacal, but you grow to love the unconditional and unhealthy love that they have for their team.

And as for the debate, I stayed up until 4:30am to watch the replay of it on one of the CNN channels. I'd have to stay that it goes to Kerry again, but not by much. Bush appeared strong to others, but to me, he seemed somewhat of an angry crazy chicken (in the literal sense), running around with his head almost chopped off and clucking into his little microphone. Then again... I am biased. :-) One of the funny blunders was when he said "internets" as if the internet were a plural thing. So funny. Ugh and the absentee ballot issue is such a problem in PA right now. They still haven't sent out the ballots yet because they are waiting for the courts to decide whether Ralph Nader will be on it or not. I would prefer him not, but as Patrick reminded me, it is a "democracy"... yada yada yada. Whatever, they just need to hurry it up and get them out. If people like me and Hanni get screwed out of a vote because of this, I am pretty sure Hanni would sue. :-P

'Tis the season of baseball and politics. What a great season it is. Just hope the underdogs get their chance at greatness.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

last words

While at the Outback, Becky and I were trying to decide on which movie to see. I know we were both leaning towards a comedy because comedy makes us feel good. But all the comedies were mediocre and the only other movie we were considering was Ladder 49. What stopped us from totally being all in on Ladder 49 was that although we were pretty sure it was going to be a good film, we knew it was a tear jerker. So, we were about to go with a mediocre comedy/movie when all of a sudden, the song that plays in the Ladder 49 trailer (it goes "Fire!") came on at the Outback. Right there, we decided that was a sign. We chose Ladder 49 and it was wicked good. And we came prepared with paper towels to wipe our tears. It had a great balance of tragedy and comedy and love and conflict and suspense. It was well done and it was hard to hold back tears. It's nice to see a tear-jerker every once in a while. Anyways, I give Ladder 49 a big thumbs up.

I really admire the firefighters and police officers for putting themselves out there. It's heroic and a constant risk. I don't think I could ever marry either or... it would just worry and kill me to know that that day could be my husband's last - that every time we say good bye, those could be our last words. Let's hope I don't fall in love with firefighters or policeman. Give me engineers and math nerds, please. Hold the Republican if you could. :-)

Later we went back to her house and watched scenes from What Dreams May Come for ideas for her senior animation project. The hell scenes were the ones of specific interest since her project is centered around abortion in an abstract way. Anyways there is a scene in the movie where Robin Williams is waving good bye to his kids for the last time, not knowing that they would die later in a car accident. And all of a sudden, I remember my last words to my parents the day of my accident. And I just start crying (boy I am close right now). My last words to them were so angry and annoyed over something so little. And it upsets me to know that that could have been our last words to each other, me being pissed over them not coming home sooner. And I don't know... it just really upset me. I just don't know if my parents know that I love them as much as I do. Sure I get pissed or angry and I let them know... but I never let them know when I appreciate them. When my mom makes my favorite meal for me or when my dad makes lame jokes with me about Bush. I guess it's the Asian thing, we just don't express that type of stuff to each other. We don't hug, we don't kiss, we don't say I love you. The only time my parents really ever hugged me and said that they loved me was the day I left for college. And that is all I can remember. It's just is upsetting... I know they love me, even though they don't say it. I just hope they know that I love them. I am lucky to have more days to try to express my love for them. I am lucky in general, even if I sometimes don't feel like it.

Whew, it's been an emotional kind of day with all those tears. But it's been a great day. The PT eval went as expected. I have it three days a week at 8am. I am basically just gonna do a lot of leg strengthening muscles and walk with my crutches. It will be a good time. I just feel like today has been one of those turning points in this mess. I feel really positive about life at this moment. I wish I could hold on this feeling forever. But it's the downs in life that really make me appreciate the ups. So bring it on, fate. I am ready for whatever you deal out.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

peyton manning

Wow. He is hot. I just had the best dream ever about him. He's got that Southern charm and just looks and acts chivalrous. It's so HOT! The dream was a weird one and it was as if I was starting college all over again at a different place and Peyton was in it and it was one of those cuddly feel good dreams. I think I might have just switched to being a Colts' fan first and foremost, Steelers second. Peyton... yum. I rarely dream about celebrities either, let alone sports stars. But if I had to, I'm glad it was him! ;-)

Tomorrow is the early early physical therapy eval. Ugh. I am going to be so tired. 7am. I haven't been up that early since my days in the hospital where they would wake me up around that time or poke me for some blood at the wee hours of dawn. I have a feeling that I am going to take my first nap in a while tomorrow.

I saw Wimbledon. It was pretty good. I am an avid tennis fan, so I was really into it. And a Brit winning Wimbledon is basically the cat's pajamas. I don't know if it will ever happen in real life, but it was nice to see on screen (sorry if I just spoiled the movie for anyone). Paul Bettany has a nice Hugh Grant charm, except frecklier. I really miss playing tennis. I don't know exactly when I'll get to play again, but I look forward to it. And Pete Sampras is the only person I think looks ok with massive amounts of body hair. Man, I loved him.

So Braves battled back. They might do better than expected. Red Sox on their way to winning the ALCS. Yankees... verdict is still out. I hate them. Sports and politics, all a girl needs while confined to a wheelchair and TV. :-P

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

it started with my mp3 player

I love my mp3 player. It's this cute little discman I bought from Walmart before I left for Denmark. I used to keep it in my car because I used it to play CDs instead of trying to battle with the crappy reception I got in my car due to a lack of a good antenna, or an antenna at all really. After my accident, my car blew up. Did you guys know that? Well they towed my car, if you could even call it a car at that point after it got smashed head on at 40 mph and then torn apart by fire fighters with axe thingies and such so they could get me out since because I am lucky like that was trapped in my "car" for 30 min... anyways, it was towed and at the garage place it was towed to, it somehow caught on fire, with a full tank of gas, and BLEW UP. My cell phone was in there as well as all the papers in the glove compartment, and I thought my mp3 player... all gone. When I finally got him from the hospital, I was sad about the mp3 player... until I saw it in a bag! I was esctatic! At the moment, I just let it go and decided I would get it later. Well later turned into two months and now I had no idea where the bag was. Soooooo... after that long winded explanation, I decided to look for it. It started with my mp3 player and turned into a 4 hour extravaganza of cleaning and filing papers and throwing out papers and basically organizing my shit. The best part was I didn't find the mp3 player until after I was done... my mom happened to life up some bag with shoes in it and BAM there was the bag with the mp3 player! Anyways, tomorrow I think I am going to attack my clothes and go cccrazy and start throwing out stuff I don't wear. Yes, ladies and gents, Vonda is cleaning. I think it's the drugs that are making me do this... or the lack of anything better to do. :-)

So... good news. Get excited people! I am getting my physical therapy evaluation on Friday at 7am. And then next week... I finally start physical therapy. This is where you do a dance for me, because 1. I can't do it myself and 2. It's the most excitement in my life, even bigger than finding the mp3 player!

I found my peeling mask stuff too and used it. The stuff really fascinated my mother, who is the most low maintenance person I know of. She wants to try it. The peeling is what's so crazy cool in her mind. She watched me for the whole 5 minutes as I peeled the stuff off my face. She's so funny when she doesn't mean to be.

Tomorrow, I get to watch Wimbledon with Becky and maybe meet Ace and her boyfriend "The Cock" as we refer to him. Don't worry, we refer to him in a nice way. :-P

Had a nice hour long phone call with Matt Hazel. He's his hot smug usual self. It will be nice to take him down a peg once I'm back at WPI and can verbally beat him up in person. He gave me a few good ideas about how to fulfill my PE requirement as a cripple as well as a solution to the physical therapy thing. What a smart friend I've got. Except he really needs to trim his beard/goatee thing. It's out of control. Less facial hair in general is what I prefer.

Mt aunt called today. I always feel so awkward when she calls. I've only met her once in my life and it was when I was 5. She visited Erie again, but I was away at college, so I didn't get to see her or my other uncle... who died a week after my accident. I only met him once as well. My dad's side of the family is so estranged from each other. Luckily my mom's side is so close it makes up for it his side. Anyways, my aunt is a nun in Australia and she is all accomplished and such. I just don't know what to say to her. She tells me she prays for me... so that is nice I guess. :-P

The VP debate didn't go as well as the first presidential one. Dick Cheney is alarmingly convincing even when he chooses not to respond at times. But I guess it's smart, since as Patrick pointed out, sometimes when someone responds, they can say the wrong thing or set themselves up for trouble. So if nothing's said, no harm in a way. And Dick Cheney definitely had the zinger of the night with his comment about having never met John Edwards until that very night. I even went "OOOOH!" mentally when he said that. John Edwarwds came a close second with his a long resume doesn't mean good judgement comment. I am looking forward to the second presidential debate. All I think of now is the SNL debate from 4 years ago and they as Will Ferrell as George W. Bush a difficult question and he looks confused and leans into the microphone and says PASS. Hahahahaha. Awesome.

I hear there's a few good baseball games going on, so I'll scadaddle to the other rom. Die Yankees die. And surprise, ok not really, the Braves lost the first game. I feel the usual choke coming on. And go Red Sox! :-P

Sunday, October 03, 2004


I went shopping for the first time, real shopping, since my accident. It was quite a success and failure all at once. It was a success because I found stuff I really like, and a failure because I spent money when I shouldn't have. I got a fabulous soft creme sweater, two new clutch purses, and a green graphic tee that compliments my skin color (and not in the mint chocolate way). Adam was the surprise friend today, joining me, Becky, and Jessica at the Cracker Barrel. He is so funny. We are just chatting and waiting for our meal when he all of a sudden blurts out a very personal new thing in his life. I loved it. I love him. He is seriously a gem into today's world of fake jewels. AND he is a great shopping buddy. He tagged along to Old Navy and gave solid and sound advice on each piece of clothing or purse I considered. I want him to shop with me everytime now. :-P You would never think he was a fashion guy with his personality. It was very refreshing and really nice to hang out with him - first time since the accident. His dad almost operated on my hip, but his partner passed me up. Fate at work again.

I have a problem with purses. I am addicted. I can't stop. It's like Carrie and her shoes. I am Vonda and her purses. I own so many and switch it up as often as I can. And I am constantly on the prowl for new ones, something different, something fresh, something classy. A new purse is as good as my pain medication - gives me a little relief from the day to day miseries.

I also picked up Jon Stewart's new book on audio, yay! And also added to the pile Amy Tan's new book The Opposite of Fate. I can't wait to get into both of those.

Today, I gave my wheelchair a rest and did a lot of crutching around. People were very happy to see me up and about. The wheelchair is so harsh and makes them think I'm worse than I really am. The crutches add some optimism. Anyways, I crutched into the Cracker Barrel and sat in a normal seat. I used the wheelchair to shop though, I can't stand around for that long. But I did crutch into the movies and man, that was a lot of work to do. I almost even fell because I thought I could get up the stairs to a better seat, but the way the stairs are designed stopped that idea. Nonetheless it was really nice to sit in a regular seat and sit between people instead of being the wheelchair girl on the end. We saw Shark Tales, which Ian came to, and it was very cute. And seriously, Ian has one of the best smells ever and I don't think he even works at it (he thought I was weird when I mentioned it haha). It's a clean soap smell and I love it. I think I just love clean smells in general. If you bottled tide into a cologne, I would buy and force my significant other to wear it because I would be in love with it/him. :-)

I really miss my crucifix necklace. I need to get it fixed. I wish you all could see it. It's wicked bent from the accident (it used to look like this ---> l and now looks like this ---> ( so that is pretty bad and means I must have bent it when my chest hit the steering wheel at 40 mph). I think the necklace caused the bone bruise I have just at the start of my collarbone. It needs to be fixed. I miss it. It feels weird to feel around my neck and not feel it. It's one of the rare gifts I have from my parents, so I really treasure it.

Kerry was a clear winner from the debates. Kickass. Screw Poland, George W. Bush, and screw you! :-) It was awesome to watch it with my dad and dislike Bush together. Funniest part of the night was when my brother couldn't remember Bill Clinton's running mate. I called my brother Al Gore for the rest of the night.

Do crushes ever really die or go away? I think you surpress them and they might never resurface again, but I do believe you always hold a certain flame for that person. I'm not saying I like anyone in particular right now, I am largely in the void. Just kinda there. But it's interesting to think back to the people I've liked. I am friends, good friends, with almost all of them. It's just weird to realize that I used to like some of these people as more than a friend... and I see why I did but now I think "That would never work out." It's humorous to ponder what if's and the never happened disasters. Where is my love life going? I've got an idea of a possible direction. Let's see how well that goes when I get back to school.

Best line from the weekend: Becky' s dad seeing me and saying "Hey crapple!" Man, I love that family.