Whoa. I have not blogged in a while!

OK. So TKE is gonna rock the house this year. I didn't realize just how awesome their pledge class is. Come on now. They have my three boys (Carsten, Chris, and Richard), Dave from Willian's floor, Chuck, John Blow (blow-tie boy) and Steve (from the second floor), Chun-shek (!!!), and Brent! Dude, Brent rocks because he remembers me! Last year, Crimson Key people called accepted students to ask them if they had any questions about WPI. Most kids weren't home or were like "Uhh no I have no questions" and all that jazz. But BRENT! He was different! I had purposely wanted to call all the Pennsylvania kids because I think PA needs more representation -- esp western PA. Brent was from Hershey and he had soo many questions. I must have been on the phone with him FOREVER! We talked about many things and PA and WPI and it was just a good half hour conversation. Mind you this was in April or so. And in September, he happened to know Nicole and Molly because of Alden Voices/Glee Club and they were talking about how I was from Erie, PA and he said "Wait, I talked to someone from Erie, PA from WPI" and dude it was me! And he remembered! Isn't that awesome!? Yeah Brent is kewl. And so are the other 8 TKE pledges. Heck I bet the other 12 pledges are awesome too (except Cash because he took Catherine's pin... he is going down for that, I promise that!) I am definitely becoming more and more a fan of TKE as the year grows on. :-)

I know Crow got around 25 people or so. LCA is about 20 some. SAE around 15. TKE was 21. Crow had a not so good nite. One of the pledges got alcohol poisoning or something. *sigh* That really sucks for them. It's just not a good start. I heard Sig Ep had strippers (probably prostitutes more like it). I'm sure other houses had stripers/hookers too. Gross.

Hehehehe. As we speak, my girls are doing some secret covert operations. ;-) Watch out boys!

So 2 days until break. I am super psyched. Oh man, it's gonna be so great in Long Island. Macy's Day Parade. Thanksgiving Dinner. Black Friday. Harry Potter. Just hanging out and having a good carefree time. I have to say though that William has me really scared about hanging out with any of his friends. They sound like they are a real fun bunch. Oh well, I know I can make it a great time. William's mom and sister Franny keep asking if I need anything from the grocery store. They are so cute. William is his mom, but with a penis. It's funny. If you ever meet William's mom, you will know what I am talking about.

Crush Party was soo much fun. William was dancing so funnily and we were all mimicking and it was just a good time full of laughter and hot Alpha Gams. Then our song came on and we felt ourselves and rocked the house. We then began "We're Alpha Gamma Delta. We're always number one...." and stomped and in Riley we just boomed. William said it was an impressive display of AGD power. Yay! I felt really good about AGD this weekend minus two moments. It was a really good time. And then the AGD Thanksgiving dinner was mondo good. Mmm pumpkin pie. Yummy. I love turkey except it makes me sleepy! :-)

Me and Katie worked on "stuff" (scret shh) this weekend and I royally burned my finger with the hot glue gun. Good times. Yeah me and Katie are spazzes. Woo!

The more I get to know Miss Amanda Gray, the more she rocks. I love her. I'm glad she is my sister-daughter!

I missed Heaven and Hell this weekend. Aw damn (not really, I heard it wasn't that great). They closed their doors at 10:45 and I heard there were way too much girls there anyways. No need for me to be there for that. Plus with the exception of last year's Heaven and Hell, I have never had a good time at any of LCA's parties. Ever. Always too many girls and guys that are jerks (no not the brothers but whoever the brothers let in). I prefer houses where I know mostly everyone and feel safe. I need to get out more often. :-)

I am severly procastinating on homework right now. I have a monologue and 6 Math stats problems due tomorrow. I need some inspiration for the monologue and I'm hoping Minority Report will spark something (I'm spending quality time with Jess J :-) ) and then I am going to Kimmy's to work on Math stats. I hate math stats. That is seriously the worse class ever. I don't learn anything at all. It sucks. Oh well, as long as I pass I guess.

OK. That is all for now. :-)

Ahem. Tuesdays are great because the next day I don't have class. Once I get past the Crimson Key tour, I am free as a bird. I feel great knowing I have a free nite. For most of this term, it seems like I have been on duty or have massive amounts of homework and never get to go out. Finally I have the most free Tuesday ever, and looky here... no socials that I would attend. Bah. I am just destined to be socially lacking. :-P

Getting more crappy stuff out of the way, I move onto Panhel elections. I NEVER want to go through that again. EVER. Why put over 150 girls in a room together for 2 hours? Why? Plus, I left feeling like this isn't worth my time. Really, Panhel means nothing to me. Also, the election just made it apparent that some people will never be given a chance to shine no matter what they say or do, no matter their enthusiam or willingness to learn and adapt. It gets me so angry. I swear if I hear anymore trash talking or making comments that aren't justified, I am going to explode (I don't mind venting if there is reasoning behind it but any comment made with eye rolling or disdain in the voice needs to go because I aint having it). Don't talk about people like they aren't worth anything. Because in the end, it just creates more crap and believe crap is worth nothing. Nothing.

Anyways, happy stuff. Amanda Gray is super awesome. Really all the New Members are great. They are so enthusiastic and have the spirit I wish I still had. I'm hoping some of it will rub off on me. If it weren't for Amanda Gray during the meeting, I would have had zero fun. There is just this spark about her. I can't explain her. The moment I met her, I knew she was different. She is just so unique. She's Amanda Gray. I hope we really get to know each other better as New Member period moves on.

Dude I am all caught up on TiVo with William. We watched SNL, and all the rest of the Boston Publics. Boston Public is still good but needs to lighten up. It's starting to feel like the season on ER where they really dragged out Mark Green's death/leaving. The West Wing needs to speed up Sam Seaborne's exit too. Sheesh. Muhahaha I just realized how immersed I am in TV. It's all because of William and his damn TiVo. I spend like 8 hours per weekend, just watching TV that I missed throughout the week. Insane I know. :-) Blame it on William.

WOO. Insurance is back on my car. Let's go out for a ride! :-) I need to figure out how I'm getting home for Christmas break. Any ideas?

Whew. 3 something already. Luckily I have no classes tomorow. :-) Suckas.

So man this was the most uneventful nite of SNAP ever!! The whole brotherhood of TKE was holed up in the main house doing bids voting stuff. No funny Scott story or lovely Teddy to entertain us. Plus it was an extra slow nite! But hey I got to watch Boy Meets World and that made it all better. Did you ever notice how much Cory looks like Adam Epstein? He really does! It's all about the curly hair. Anyways it was the episode about how Shawn had to pick between some ugly rich chick or Cory his best friend. In the end, he of course chose Cory. WOO!

New SNAP mandate to take effect 11-23-02: No pledges of any house can take SNAP if there are more than three of them at a time. At that point, it's not a matter of safety! It's really just extra laziness. Some people last year *cough Johnny and B-rad and many Fiji pledges cough* were such big offenders! Once B-rad and Johnny asked for a ride down to the Banana from Morgan. Dude, there were three of them (including B-rad's gf) and it wasn't too dark and it was DOWNHILL! They wanted a ride to the Banana so they could use B-rad's car! RIDICULOUS! :-) But I guess if Johnny hadn't used SNAP so much, I would have never really gotten to know him. So I guess I can't complain as much. But still. NO RIDES FOR PLEDGES IN GROUPS OF 3 OR MORE.

I have to say, that right now, life feels pretty stable and good. Friendships are mended (but I'm still of course working on all of them because you always need to work on friendships) and I feel happy. And Thanksgiving is creeping up and I am geniunely excited to spend Thanksgiving with William and the Long Island crew. :-)

I got a 76 on my theory of interest midterm! Yay! I passed! WOO! And in math stats, he is giving out a take home midterm (the best midterms out there). So school isn't horrible. I would be quite happy with Bs in those classes (althought with the effort I put it, I deserve an A but hey I take what I can get... who would have thought math would get so damn hard?! :-P ). But I definitely want in A in drama because I know I am VERY CAPABLE of an A in that class. So if I don't get in A in that class, I will not be a happy camper!

Today at CC, it was so frustrating. I just feel like things are not the same as they were last year. Maybe I had a blindfold over my eyes. Some times I just want to scream "No more! I can't take it!" and just leave. But I'm Vonda and I don't do that. Still, I can't bare to go through meetings where in the end, I ask myself why I participate in things that make me unhappy. Things need to shape up and I can talk about it all I want with whoever and such, but in the end, me talking won't make it all go away. And people don't get that. They want to talk to me and make me discuss what's bothering me (when they already really know what's bothering me because it's not just me that feels this way). All we do is talk. We never actually act on anything. In the end, we just waste breath. Sorry to be negative. Moving on...

Anyways, after reading Katie's blog, I realized how much I miss last year also. It's only about 3 or 4 people I really miss from my floor (and of course cheese and cracker talks ;-) ). But things change. And we are all still adjusting to it. Or maybe we decided we don't want to adjust. Who knows. I just want to spend time with those who really count in my life. Period.

Wow, I went from "I'm happy" to bitching about the sucky things in life. Really though, I am happy. Just a few dark clouds that refuse to clear up. I guess it has to storm before we can see the rainbow. Anyways, I love the people who make me smile, and make me feel special, and make my life better just by being there. Just keep doing what you're doing, because it's you guys that keep me going everyday. Oodles of love.

Nite.

Skin is finally over. Yay! Strike went well. I always feel like I don't know what I'm doing. Oh wait, I don't know what I'm doing. :-)

So it snowed. More like wet snow. The wet snow that turns to cold ice that doesn't melt with the rising of the sun. I hate that type of snow. But it's kinda pretty. And I'm glad it decided to get nast after I had gotten my car fixed.

My computer is being kinda funny sometimes. It's a bit slow. And lags. I don't know why it does that. I will have to get that checked out because it's getting to me.

Bid day shirts came in! The best just got better! (and better and better and better!)

I have to say, I kinda enjoy the weekends and all, but I feel like it's lacking every single time. I think after a packed week, I need to have more fun. But Skin got in the way. Oh well. This coming weekend should rock! It's gonna be Crush party, some singing ;-) , and then Heaven and Hell! Woo! Let's hope I'm rested because it's gonna be crazy!

OK. Time for homework.

Ha. I was talking to some Texan. And he is peeing while he is talking to me. But it sounds so weird because it just sounds like he is faking it (like pouring water into the toilet so as to please me -- don't ask, long story). But no he really is peeing. And he compared his forcing himself to pee to as if you had to make yourself pee your pants. You really have to give a push because you know aren't supposed to. But when it gets going, it goes. And that's why his pee sounded fake over the phone. Ok story time done.

Well not really done. Skin is so bad to me now. I've been tainted forever and I just wish the play would be done and over with!

So yeah. William says he wouldn't date me because I'm not good enough shock value! Pfft! Not that I want to date William Herbert, but I feel so second rate from having heard him say that. I will make him eat those words. I am good shock value dammit. :-)

So I skipped Math stats two times this week. So I am down to one lecture. But then he doesn't show. So I have no lextures. Then I take the quiz. Ouch. Maybe a 50%. A 75% if he takes pity. He is a nice guy. I don't know why I skipped so much this week. First time in a while I skipped on purpose. Oh well. Trying my best here.

I talked to my dad the other day for the first time in weeks and weeks. It was nice. We get along sooo much better and are so much more considerate and caring and sincere when we don't live together or talk overly too much. I know that sounds bad, but we appreciate each other more because of all the distance and such. I hope he is doing alright. He sounds tired and has lost weight. :-( My grandma had died in August. He is taking it better than I would have thought. But nonethelesss. It's the woman who gave you life. I wish I had gotten to meet her. But I guess that's how life is playing out for her and me. Hope my dad is happier than he was before.

My mom calls me every other day of course. It's cute. We talk for about 5 minutes if that. But I can tell that that 5 minutes means a lot to her. She is so lonely without me and Patton or Dad there. I can't imagine living that life. When I was home, she just looked so happy. For two nites, she had her babies in the same house. I love my mom. I love her cooking too. ;-)

I am getting more and more psyched to go to Long Island with William. I think I will make it a tradition to go to a new place for Thanksgiving each year. It's all about traveling and getting to see the part of my friend's life that I never knew of. It's neat.

Slumber Party 2002 rocked the house. Matt Hazel is the most considerate boy. Too bad he doesn't shut up! Ha ha. I didn't get a whole bunch of studying done but it was a fun sleep over. I think I should have more sleep overs with people. I also need to have futon talk with my girls. Haven't had that in so long. This futon is a lucky futon. It knows so much and has brought so many good memories to mind.

OK. It's time to sleep. When I start talking about my futon and how great it is, I know bed time is necessary. :-) Good nite.

Agh so tired. The Skin of Our Teeth is OK. I am not really digging it. It's just kinda boring at times.

I can't wait for Thanksgiving. Going to NYC by plane. Macy's Day Parade. Black Friday Shopping. 5 full days of the Herbert Family. Oh let the good times roll!

My Theory of Interest midterm went ehh ok I guess. I guess I really won't know until I get it.

Me and Adam were nominated for SocComm Films chairs. I hope we get it! :-)

Man I can't wait for this week to be over with!

My car works. It's alive. Yay!

That is all. I am tired. Not in a typing mood.

Good nite.

OK. The balance of good and bad in my life always balance out. Just when I think all is going good.... WHAM. Something happens. Yowsers. It's like I'm having flashbacks from high school except they are only the bad memories and right now they aren't flashback. This is all real. Pfft. Ya know what I also hate? Knowing I won't say anymore because no need to fuel the fire. Anyways.

37 new members. Yeah. Craziness.

Yay for Amanda Gray, my lovely sister-daughter.

I want to sleep!

Tomorrow is my IQP interview. I am mondo nervous. I think I am first out of everyone! AGH! Denmark WILL be mine. :-)

That is all.

Life is mondo good.

Dude. Bid nite. Tomorrow. Be there.

Alpha Gamma Delta. Being the best isn't everything... it's just tradition.

This is awesome. Go here!

OK. So I find myself feeling restricted by the public blog. So I am going to start journaling again, but on the computer in Word files and I will clip parts of the Word file to this and that way I can be unrestricted in what I say and feel at the moment and yet keep you all updated. That's that.

Rush Round 2 was great. I felt the AGD vibe there. I need more moments like that.

Bad timing is so me.

Sleep.

I'm glad my friends care about me. They only want me to be happy. I'm happier than before (before meaning A term). Life isn't perfect but I deal. I need people around me to work with me I guess. I dunno if it's too late for that or not. Right now, I am trying to only do things that make me happy. Too bad the things that bring me down are mandatory. Pfft. How do I get around that? And the other thing that makes me unhappy is the lack of communication. It can be such a vicious cycle. I swear to myself, I will never let myself fall prey to whatever killed me in A term (I won't get into that on this public blog). If you want insight into what A term was like, ask me. But just know I still am not happy with certain things in my life, but I am happy with myself. And I think above all else, that is the most important thing. I think in A term, I lost myself in all the meetings and work and let the work own me instead me dictating my life. No more of that. So yes I am still busy as a bee, but believe me, my life doesn't run me, I run it. I just need to learn to breathe better while I'm running around. ;-)

Oh SNAP with Jon Abad. The fun times we have and the things we uncover. Tonite's great moment: figuring out which fraternities on campus are "dry." Let's start off with Fiji... they went dry a little bit ago nationally, but I guess WPI's chapter got an "extension"... a little shady there if I must say... next comes Kap... yes people Kap nationally has been dry for a while! You know why we think this? Because we can't seem to find the exact date online and if it isn't coming up on google as the top search site, then it has to have been a while. Anyways our chapter is in no way dry... far from it... ick... no more on Kap... and finally... the whopper, the one that is going to happen soon... Theta Chi! Yes people Theta Chi's date for dry is 2003... that is less than two months away! Ya know what I wonder? Do the boys who are rushing this year know all this? Bet not... interesting is it not? ;-) Anyways, the only reassuring thing for Jon and all of TKE is that TKE is no way going dry. Yay for them.

Dude, I was so feeling the Theory of Interest vibe tonite. I had so much of it left to do, but luckily SNAP was very slow tonite. I thought I was going to not finish but I did all the problems but two in less than 2 hours. It was amazing. For once I feel like Actuarial Math is what I'm meant to do! YAY! I can't believe how it good it feels to say that!

So yeah, poor Tara was driving the SNAP van and well it got in a mini accident about a week ago. Just a scratch. BUT BUT BUT once again tonite, she is driving and she happens to clip the curb (marble curb to be specific) and slices the tire... aw damn, flat tire... me and Jon can't drive til 11 but do get paid for 4 hours. Sweetness. Overall, a wonderful SNAP nite. I don't think I could imagine SNAP life without Jon Abad in there and TKE. I will not survive well next year whatsoever. Sniff.

Girls do not deal well with conflict. Read Margaret Atwood's "Cat's Eye". I read that when I was a senior in high school and I think it gives a lot of insight into how sucky girls can be. I read it and went, my gawd, that is exactly what I live through. If guys had to try to live life as a girl after already knowing what it was like for a guy, they would not survive. Girls are vicious and girls look for the long term pain. Why go for the bruise that will go away in a few days when you can do the emotional damage that will last a lifetime? Yup because girls can be evil. But we are evil because we are so smart. ;-) Aww the pros and cons of life for women.

I know I've screwed up a lot with people. I'm trying to mend what I can. But first people need to let me know what I can do. Baby steps I guess. Like with some, lunch is our first step. Others, I do not know. I think the people that care will say something. Let's hope for the best.

... November 5th. Rest in peace Rob. 5 years... and it feels like it was only yesterday you were at my window asking me for bus money... or just yesterday when you were running down the street and your pants fell down because you didn't believe in belts at all... or when you were so little and you were supposed to watch Amber and your mom came running in because she heard Amber crying and there Amber was, crying on the ground because she rolled off since she was a baby and fell wherever her head moved and your mom asked you "why didn't you watch Amber?" and you said "I did watch her... I watched her fall off the couch". :-) 5 years... not enough time to describe how great you were...

Good nite.

Damn it all to hell. I can't stop listening to Britney Spears! I know, I know. Britney Spears. But she has this one song that just gets to me and I have to listen to it a lot. It's "Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know" and it just is good I guess. I always sing and belt out the off key notes and it's great. I also have the version from MADtv called "Lick my baby back behind" which is oh so funny and oh so great. I can remember the first time I saw that episode. I was at home with my best friend Becky and we were doing our Saturday nite ritual of going out and getting back home in time to catch MADtv so we could see Stewart and fall asleep to SNL. Wow that was a long time ago. I miss her. I will call her tomorrow nite. I feel I need to have a Vonda/Becky moment again. Now I think of Matt Fisher and the great times me and her and him had at BINGO. Sometimes I think those were some of the best nites of my life. Whenever I think back to it, I literally get a smile on my face, a real genuine one. Not a semi-fake one which I can sometimes do. But a real smile. Whew there is a lot of reminiscing going on for Vonda here. Brings a little Erie flavor to my life. Gives it the added spark to trudge on.

Recruitment Round 1 went nicely. I still feel a little forced at times, but I try to deal. I just want New Members and I want them now so I don't have to go through all of this. I REALLY hope Jess T. goes to a round and gives it a try because she is definitely one of my favorites. But all my gurls on my floor are my favorites. I seriously lucked out with the people I have on my floor this year. They are so great. I hope EVERY year I get kids like these. :-)

OK time for class. I thought I would blog for a little bit. In 3 hours, the sun will go down. Weird huh?

Sorry to be dramatic. I'm working on it.

Something needs to change.

And that would be me.

So yeah. Let's summarize Windtalkers. 30 min of real story and plot. 1 hr 45 min of men dying and Vonda trying to hold her dinner down. Good stuff. NOT.

So yeah. Homework. I hate it.

I suck at life. I suck at being a friend.

Sorry to anyone who has ever had to deal with me.

OK so my high school rocks. Go Academy go!

I really miss someone. And no it's not like I like like this person. I just miss their companionship. And I wish I saw them more often or talk to them more often. I just think I've had the worst luck this term with this person. This blog is just simply written in the hopes that that person sees this and knows that yes, I realize also we haven't talked in a while. So hey let's talk about how we don't talk and go from there. Because I hate not talking to this person. So yeah. That's that.

OK. I look hot today. :-) I straightened my hair and it looks lovely. Make sure to check me out today.

This weekend has been a lot of fun. Friday I went to Crow and as usual, I have the best time. I can't say enough that I love Crow. And all the girls on my floor seem to have really liked Crow too. :-) We had an awesome time dancing the nite away.

Tonite marks the first recruitment round. I can't believe in one week, we will have the pledge class complete. I can't wait to be a sister mom!

So this Tuesday marks the 5 year anniversary of my friend Rob's death. 5 years. He would have be 21 this December. Just thinking about him makes me feel sad and yet incredibly lucky to have known him. 5 years. I just keep repeating that to myself. I try to imagine what he would have been like if he were still alive. But it's weird, because in my mind, I see him celebrating his 21st birthday and it seems so right. Except it isn't because the person celebrating his 21st birthday is the 15 year old Rob that always needed a belt for his baggy pants. *sigh* Don't worry. I am not going to cry. It may hurt a little to remember but the memories are so great that I feel better after having thought about him. Its moments like these that I really feel alive.

Time for sleep.

I feel a little bit of the A term blues trying to infiltrate my new term. I'm not sure why it's hitting today. Maybe it's because I'm constantly getting reminded of how everyone has a boyfriend and how some people manage their time around their boyfriends. They can only hang out with me til a certain time and then it's back to the boyfriend although they haven't hung out with me in weeks upon weeks. It semi-hurts my feelings everytime any of my friends do this and I know I'm retarded for feeling hurt but I can't help it. I've always had to play the boyfriendless friend. Some people say I have so many different circle of friends so as to not have to deal with people and so as to avoid really letting them see me when I'm vulnerable or when I'm depressed. I think that person is right. You know why? It's because whenever I'm feeling down and out, I REALLY need someone to be there. I can't have crap like "oh here's a hug and we will talk later but I need to go see my bf" That would devastate me. Better for me to isolate myself in my room and cry my tears and just move on. And it's hard to talk to any boy about anything. I dunno. I don't think A term will repeat itself. But I just wish I knew a solution to me feeling hurt. I just wish I could ignore it all. But then again, to be human is to suffer. Call me massively human I guess. Now I am going to shower and shake this vibe off.