Oh man. I just did ALL of my financial aid. Taxes, CSS Profile, Fafsa, etc. ALL OF IT. Bleh. Glad it's done.

So the ho is passed out on my bed. Should I kick her? Hehe. Nah I'll be nice.

This term was once of the slightly easier terms but it's C term so it automatically sux.

I am massively thrilled about going to VT tomorrow. It's gonna be 5 full days of pure ho quality time. Nintendo, trees, shopping, trees, manicures, trees, sleep, trees, mountains, trees, etc. Ya know. Vermont stuff. :-)

My mind is so tired that I don't even feel like blogging. And I feel bad because I haven't blogged much since this week has been crazy insane with studying, homework, SNAP, Suff, spending time with people before break, sleeping, etc - this blur called life.

WOOO! I feel good!

1. I got an A in Life Contingencies which is the first A I've gotten all year in a math! WOO!
2. My Suff is done! Hopefully I got an A! If not, I don't mind. :-) It was a fun project.
3. Advanced Calc kicked my ass but I think I passed.
4. I get to hang out with the ho!

Life is good. C term is over. Die C term die. You can't get me now!

Molly is right. I need to like more fun people. :-) Why would I want to be with someone un-fun and not understanding of crazy Vonda? So few people get me though. Oh well. I guess if finding the right guy was so easy, then life wouldn't be a challenge. That is all.

Seeing The Shawl and Legwork tonite and then working a monster SNAP shift with AJ! Woo! Lots of Life Contingencies to do too.

Fiona Apple is too good. This song describes perfectly what I feel about my love life and boys and yeah all that junk in general.

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

I was talking with someone about sex and yeah, well I'm tired of people just thinking sex is JUST sex. The general de-valuing of sex is what makes me so pro-abstinence and waiting til marriage. Or at least until I know I am truly in love and really ready. I think of relationships I have seen or heard of, and well it just blows my mind when I hear that they had sex about a week or so or a month into the relationship. I can't imagine that. I have spent 19 years with my virginity and then I meet someone and oh, here ya go! Take it! No. That isn't my style. And it won't ever be my style. And I'm tired of people saying it's a worthless style.

My crushes (the crushes as in the act of crushing, not the actually person) are so dumb. I should become anti-crush. It would save me disappointment, worry, and overanalyzing. I think my crushes (now the actually people) think I am dumb. Well I am dumb, but I really try to come off as not dumb. :-P I fail. ::sigh::

OK. My calfs still are sore. :-P I think I will lay down and try that sleep thing.

Watching Undercover Brother totally cheered me up. Granted I'm still lonely but I don't care. :-)

Oops, I was supposed to have emailed in my abstract for my Suff. I suck at life. I totally forgot until I saw Jordan email his out. Damn, usually I'm the one who is ahead of the game. :-P And I almost forgot I had to watch Chasing Amy but I am downloading that as we speak. I will get that watched tonite.

Must try and write abstract now.

::fighting urge to blog a depressing blog:: ::feeling alone::

Lazer tag was awesome. Kicked butt! But they it kicked my butt. I am so out of shape and I was just dying by the end of it. But hey, first game out and me and Trina are the top two scorers out of 11 boys. :-) WOO! We rocked! I think I proved my lazer tag finesse.

OK that's about all the fun stuff I can think of right now. If I continue to blog, I will just depress myself.

Undercover Brother. WEEEEE!

The kilroy show was a bit of a disappointment. I just felt more offended than anything. It just felt really sexist at times and well... just not funny to a broad audience. There were definitely a few sketches where not a lot of females were laughing. I just felt like they were trying to offend you rather entertain you. Then again, these days, those two actions are almost synonymous. I give props to Kilroy for doing their thing, but in the end, it's just not my humor I guess.

Molly wrote the funniest comment. First official comment. Loved it. I heart ho. :-P

Tonite was a bust but I did get to spend time with Amanda Gray. Yay! I love her. :-)

I thought I was going to be more thoughtful but I guess I am too tired to really try to sort through stuff. Tomorrow is lazer tag. I get to shoot people. ::happy dance::

So it's the last Friday of C term and I just feel like there is no life in me to make it another few days. Advanced calc is just harrowing and kicking my ass around the block and then some. Life Contingencies is not so bad and yeah well I am thankful for that. My suff is almost done and that's good. Hopefully I will get an A. Dean likes it and his play that got into NV21 was based on a scene in my play except he tweaked it and made it "Dean style". But he will admit he ripped the idea off me. :-)

Reading Amanda Gray's blog always bring a smile to my face. Seriously, my sister-daughter is the best out there. Sometimes in the earlier stages, I worried that I wasn't there enough and I almost thought she was going to depledge and I was worried but I didn't know what to do. But I guess something right since she stayed and is uber happy now. I love her to death. I hope she is always as happy as she is right now. Oh yeah, her and Bertini are official. They are "going out" and I am so happy for them. I think they are so right for each other. :-) If only I could find my right guy.

Someone needs to hang out with me. I think this weekend could be a super lonely one. Someone be my friend.

So yeah, who is the right guy for me? I dunno anymore. I wonder if the "type" I have always went after is the wrong type for me. I'm still Virginal Vonda, a gal who has never been truly kissed (anything before age 18 does not count because yeah those meant nothing... I mean I have kissed kissed people but they meant nothing... just fun) and never had a boyfriend. And sometimes that bothers me. And other times, I don't care. I am independent and I like that. But sometimes, it just gets to me... especially when everyone and their mothers has someone to call "their other half". Sometimes I don't know if I really want a boyfriend because I really want love, or maybe I just want one because everyone else has one and well I feel left out. There are very few guys out there that I ever REALLY felt anything for. I have oodles of 15 minutes crushes that leave as fast as they come. I just haven't found that person that makes me tremble. Granted I get butterflies for some people (even now) but nothing that makes my soul ache a little in that good way. I am just intrigued by people. That's the best way to say it. And I am so all about making friends. I always am looking for more friendships... testing the water and wondering, could this person be a lifer? Then again I haven't been the most successful person with friendships but that's how life goes. And I don't regret much. Shit happens and then you flush it.

This blogger is acting up lately. Poo on that.

Interesting thoughts to be thought about...
- Always trying to be a good person can be the biggest block to becoming one.
- Being single is like being a vacuum cleaner. It really sucks when you're turned on. (HAHAHA this one is a favorite)
- Don't marry someone that you can live with, marry someone that you can't live without.
- I guess I'm sort of in the mood to have a crush on someone where it can't hurt too much.
- Problem? I don't have a problem. Problems. Now those I have.
- We would worry far less about what others think of us if we knew how little they actually did.

Random quotes and lines I ran across. There went the time I meant to use on extra credit. :-)

SNAP wasn't too bad tonite. We passed by oodles of LCAs. It is LCA's "Inconvenience Week" (inconvenience since they don't haze and therefore it's not really "hell"). I saw Big Andy and Jake and Jeremy and just about all the LCAs that I think are kewl and all their AMs or soon to be brothers, Bertini, Murph, George, Tom, etc. :-)

I really hate Advanced Calc right now. And I dread Advanced Calc II more and more. Help!

I want break to be here. Right now.

I need to do my financial aid.

I was going to write something happy but forgot what it was.

Oh yeah. I am getting tired of my residents being disrespectful of quiet hours and I am oh so close to just writing people up. It's getting to the point where it's just ticking me off. :-/ I thought my residents were really good but yeah that's starting to unravel. I hate this part.

I really love Jon Abad. He is an awesome SNAP partner. Although I want to cycle and maybe get to ride SNAP with Pat Baxter before he graduates, Jon Abad will still be my number one SNAP partner in my heart! :-) So sad that he will someday be gone and that someday is near. ::sniff::

Oh yeah I added a comments link. Sucky thing is that it says "Shout outs" but I can't figure out how to change it. If you know, let me know!

OK. I need to work on extra credit for life contingencies. I really want an A in this class. It is possible but I need to work my ass off for the final.

I can't wait for Friday. Anyone wanna hang out with me? :-)

You're all I ever wanted
You're all I ever needed, yeah
So tell me what to do now
When I want you back

It's been in my head today. Upbeat. Always reminds me of my brother because me and him would be retarded and dance to this song. It also reminds me of my family in New Orleans. I first encountered NSYNC's music this one summer. And then I went to NO and we watched their Disney concert 50 times and all loved the music. And we would mimic their dance moves. :-) What I would give to see them right now. I really miss those summers in NO where we would sit and do nothing every single day and yet love it. We were never bored. We always had each other and would just chill. We are all growing up now and it's sad that we don't get to talk ever. Haha. I remember talking to Sa before I left for C term and I found out she made her first real white American friend. I was shocked! They always teased me for having so many non-viet friends and now she has joined the club. :-) And she told me that it feels like she finally has a best friend that isn't in the family. I am so happy for her. ::sigh:: Miss them.

Housing Lottery number: 565 out of 698! Craptastic but doesn't matter because I am an RA. It's all good. But the ho didn't get in. :-( How much does that suck. A lot.

D term is nearing and that means the end of the year. How will I feel when this year is done with? Relieved? Maybe. Sad? I dunno. It wasn't as great of a year as I would have liked. But I did realize that I will definitely leave college with a few life long friends. I didn't feel that last year when I left for summer. So although the year was below par, my friends were above par and then some. I just hope I return the favor. :-)

I want to switch to a blogger thing with comments. How do I do that without getting the hugest headache?

I'm out. SNAP time. Better known as Jon Abad time.

So I am blogging as I am watching the Royal Tenenbaums. Lovely movie. Love it.

I went to my first full fledged Coffeehouse AKA Two Towers After Hours. Willy Porter was exactly the type of music I like. Got to hang out with tilde Patrick a little and Boris and laugh at the expense of silly SocCommers being scolded. It was good stuff. A few songs made me think of a few moments in life that I don't think about enough. It was a nice time. I think I had more to blog about when I was sitting there but all those thoughts leave me at the moment. The few thoughts I have I don't really want to blog about. Chalk it up to insecurities I guess.

Am I an idiot? And why do I always do the same things? Molly asked if I would really be happy and such and yeah I don't know why I do the things I do. Sometimes I want to ask people whether they think I am retarded or not. Yes this is cryptic just because I don't feel like really talking about it but just want to remind myself it's there.

I get to go to Vermont with Molly! Yay! And I get to go home soon! Yay! I am so psyched!

The Snow Day made me realize how much I depend on meetings and such to fill up my time. On Monday me and William were in despair because we didn't know what to do! There was nothing. Just laying there and napping and trying to think of things to do. Soothing but it felt lacking. Just thoughts running through your head all day at a more rampant pace than usual.

That is all.

So the snow day is over and it's unclear as to whether we will have class tomorrow. All I know is that my tummy hurts and I still have all my advanced calc and a little bit of the life contingencies to do and I am tired already. I would like to say that I would do my homework had I had another snow day but I would most likely put it off because that's the thing to do. Anyways. Snow day was nice. Hung out with William all day and got to see some of the Stod A3 kids. :-) But yeah can't really blog for too long. Back to work.

SNOW DAY! Anything can happen! WOO!

Holy crap! I hate this type of snow! It stinks oh so much. Yes I normally love snow but this snow in your face and snow in your scarf and snow in every nook and kranny it can find is not very fun. But hey the snow got me out of having to host two students! Woo hoo!

Bowling for Columbine. Great. Sad. Frustrating. Shameful. Truthful. There was this sequence where they showed the Columbine footage and I just started bawling. It's been a few years and I just can't really handle still. It makes me so angry. It makes me want to scream until I have no voice left. It makes me want to just go hide in a hole and not worry about what the outside world is doing to itself and each other. It makes me ask why and I know that is the one question with no sure answer. ::sigh::

Anyways, Hanni is coming home with me now. And I wish Erie Insurance would contact me already to let me know if I got an interview.

I'm sleepy and it's only the beginning of this long day.

19: the continuation. Still looming over my head.

Gawd I bought more clothes! Another pair of jeans, another red shirt, and a nice dressy cream shirt. Must not shop for a few months since I went psycho these past few days.

AGD gals made a showing at the 3 on 3 basketball. Each time our team made a basket, there was a loud cheer. Awesome. We lost but that was expected.

Life was the usual. Looking forward to Bowling for Columbine. But not looking forward to all the work I have. ::sigh::

Oh yeah. Hanni is the best (she made me write that).

Valentine's Day turned out lovely. I got two carnations! One from my AGD secret admirer and one from Bertini (he was thanking me for everything I've done for him... I'm such a good adopter RA person/friend). And then I got cute socks and Pez as my Valentine's Day gifts. :-) And I got cute little Valentine's from oodles of people. It was very nice.

I stayed up so late giving Valentine's to all my residents on my floor and gave out some to people on other floors. They all liked it very much so! DINO!

I am so glad Hanni came in for Valentine's Day. If she hadn't I would have felt so lonely and not happy. :-) Although I felt like I had waited forever for her to get here! But nice tilde Patrick was entertaining enough until she got here. We went to see How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with Lynn. It was such a cute movie. Me and Lynn were laughing so hard all the way through it. I thought it was worth the money and effort. Not stellar but just enough. Couldn't convince any male friends to come though. ;-) It seemed like everyone else had went to see Daredevil. Pfft. Who wants to see that on Valentine's Day? NOT ME! :-P

Hanni brought tulips for me. They are so nice. I haven't really looked at tulips in years. You see them in the passing in your car but no one ever buys them for you. Hanni is the kewlest.

I am very happy to hear about Amanda and Bertini. :-D That's all I can say. Very HAPPY! If I can't find someone, at least I'm helping others find each other. :-)

So my birthday is coming oh so soon. Scary. Very scary. I don't even want to utter the age I will be! That's why I want to be 19: the continuation.

I dreamt of Daniel last nite. It was really weird. I dreamt that we had met again. It felt weird and nice. We don't really talk anymore. It's kinda sad but that is life. I mean we will still randomly IM each other or call to just chat for a bit. But we're definitely leading busy lives. Or at least I am. I think he is still leading a similar life to that of last year, but with a lot more alcohol, and more friends, and hopefully less of being in front of his computer. He is still a slacker though. And I am a slacker but a good one. I'm still me from last year, but a lot busier and in charge somewhat. No alcohol drunkenness though. I am glad I can still say I have never been drunk and don't plan on it anytime soon. I am also kinda proud of myself. No skipped classes. That is pretty damn good. I miss Daniel a little bit here and there. Just the companionship and talking we did. It was nice to have someone always there for ya and who you could talk to for hours and then have to hang up because it was so late, not because you wanted to say good bye or anything. Oh oh. I think the dream has made me a little nolstagic. I miss him and the close friendship we had. Granted, I kinda mixed some weird "more than friends" feelings in there but in the end, it turned out fine. ::sigh:: Time to supress this slightly reminiscing feeling.

Time to shop with Hanni. People say I am a shopaholic. People are right.

Oh man I thought tonight was on going to end up not being very fun but it turned out so great!

Let's start with the not fun stuff. The AGD elections took FOREVER! FOUR-EVER! Ok really, it was FOUR hours. But a long four hours. Good news? :-) You are looking at next year's New Member Coordinator! Woo! That was the only office I was truly considering and I am so psyched I got it! It will be a lot of work but I seriously love meeting the new members and I think I will do an awesome job. Granted PQP will be around that time, but that's OK, but I won't be an RA in C-term so that takes a load off! :-) And I really like all the people who got offices. I seriously think the next year in AGD is going to be an awesome one. I am so ridiculously psyched (this is the most psyched I've been about AGD in a while... well besides being psyched about my Amanda Gray and all the NMs)!

Another bad note, as I mentioned before, I hate censoring and I stand by that. And I do not care if other people get upset over my blogs. They are my thoughts and I think above all else, that is the one place where no one should have control over or try to place restrictions, whether I think about them in my head or whether I write them down in a blog. If people don't like it, tough. Deal. I'm tired of trying to please everyone and I'm tired of keeping things in. Grow and deal and realize that things aren't perfect and censoring or not letting them surface won't fix them. Ugh and what bothers me is that at this moment I am still censoring because I could come out and say why I wrote this part but I won't. Vicious cycle. Must break this habit of not speaking/blogging my mind.

I didn't get to see a movie tonight! :-( I really was hoping for The Pianist but alas the meeting from hell went too long and I missed a movie with (as William likes to call him) tilde Patrick. Aw well. That is life! I'm hoping I can squeeze in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days this weekend or something. I need something sappy. :-)

So Happy stuff time! Ahem, I introduced my lovely Amanda Gray to one of my favorite kids ever, Mike Bertini. Love in the air? Maybe! We will see. Like in the air? Definitely! I think after Amanda's harrowing blind date, she needs to be set up with the sweetest kid ever and that kid is Bertini. Seriously, me and Mike talk it up all the time. I think of him as the resident I always wanted. Instead he is William's, and now an adoptee of mine. :-) I hope things roll and all work out. I seriously think they would be good together. Wait strike that, I think they would be GREAT together. :-) If they go together, that would be the third couple. Woo hoo! Matchmaker Vonda! Too bad she can't set herself up! :-P I love those two so much. :-)

On that note, I seriously love Amanda Gray. Each time we hang out, I just love her more and more. And what's great is that whenever I introduce Amanda Gray as my sister-daughter, people tell me that we were paired perfectly or how they see a lot of me in her or a lot of her in me! I definitely think we mesh so well! :-) I seriously do love her. I just feel this need to do all that I can for her and try to be there for her whenever possible, like protect her. Oh oh, I am getting sappy. I just really love her and she means a lot to me. :-)

And I love Kim too. Man I just dread next year more and more because she won't be here. Kim, me, and Amanda went to LCA tonite and hung out and such (since movie plans fell through). And it's just soo funny. Me and Kim have very similar senses of humor and man, when we get together, we just laugh sooo much. Haha I sent her a note saying "Being without Kim is like being without my calculator... things just don't add up right!" :-) I know! I am cheesy! But man, I have grown so close to her this year and I just can't imagine life without my math buddy! I love her way too much!

Woo hoo! And I got to eat with the ho and that's uber nice. I wish her headaches would go away. :-( I love her oodles and I just want to make it all better but I can't and I hate feeling helpless. I do what I can. I keep the laughs coming. :-P Props to my ho!

And yeah, props to William for being there too. Although he is upset I am trying to set up Amanda Gray with Bertini (bc he wants me to focus on setting him up with someone) and how I told him he can't date a sister. But he has to deal. When I meet the future Mrs. Herbert, I'll let him know, and I'll hook em up. Until then, he will just have to do the searching on his own. :-P

And I missed my best friend Becky's call. :-( We are playing phone tag and I'm it. I will try calling her tomorrow. I miss her and home and my brother and my mother and my dad (who just turned 56! He is getting so old!) Yay for home! Not too far away!

Ok I do blog a lot. I am going to sleep and waking up happy because tomorrow is going to rock! :-) Right now, I am extremely happy and I haven't said that in a while. Yay!

I have to say that my sister-daughter Amanda Gray is a smart cookie. She just started a blog and she laid down the rules right away. Quote from her first blog entry:

So anywho, I figured, everyone else is blogging, why shouldn't I? WARNING: This is one of those intro entries, that noone wants to read, so feel free to skip it if you like. WARNING # 2: At some point in my blogging, I might talk about people, in good light and bad, don't read this if you don't want to know what I think. On a happy note, I think Vonda Bui is an amazing sister-mother. I am very happy to say that I am a new sister of AGD, and she has a lot to do with this happiness. Yay for Vonda. On a not so happy note, I cannot go to the very first meeting as a new sister. This is very frustrating for me. I made plans a while ago, assuming elections would be on a thursday night, not a wednesday...I will try to have a bunch of fun tonight anyway : \ Later days...

Is she not the best ever? And smart too. I live by rule #2 except for one case. But I am almost at the point where I don't care about what people think. Censoring sucks and I hate feeling like I have to "hide things" or sugarcoat. Jon Abad says write whatever and obviously Amanda Gray thinks the same. I should take pointers from them. :-)

Oh and I still need eating partners. Volunteers anyone?

AGD elections. Soon enough I will be a lame duck and then a chick with no office! Woo hoo! One load off my shoulders! (unless I am elected to one which I don't think I will be since I didn't put down a lot of interests)

I really want to see a movie. I am feeling either The Pianist, About Schmidt, The Hours, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, or Chicago (again). I am in the mood for The Pianist. I think I have one taker for this movie and that's all I need. And maybe About Schimdt. Who knows! I just need to get away from my life for two hours and submerge myself in the imaginary world of movies!

Had my meeting with Naomi today. :-) I'm in like sin I'm sure. I shouldn't have even put down my housing deposit. Oh well!

Kim is the best btw. I really don't want her to graduate. :-( Classes just wouldn't be the same. I love Kimmy! Ef ef ef! F is for friendship! :-)

I'm out! Meeting Kim for food and then the meeting that never ends (elections). I do blog a lot don't I?

it feels like i put my feelings somewhere
so that i don't know how i actually am
or how i feel.
it took such a long time
to become what i am
and everything i didn't like
is put into a box
and probably won't ever come out again.

Creepy poem. Rings a bit true. Came from a random poem maker thingy. Well done. I answered some questions and that's what I got/what it generated.

Say when you're alone
It's better 'cause nobody knows you
When no one's your friend
It's better 'cause nobody leaves you
So you turned your back
On a world that you could never have
'Cause your heart's been cracked
And everyone else is goin' mad
-- The Wallflowers I Wish I Felt Nothing

This song reminds me to not put walls up against people. Although I do anyways. I try not to. Really.

Ok that is all for thoughtful Vonda.

I forgot how retardedly funny The Replacements. It's just so hilarious.

I really need to switch mail things. I am tired of using Outlook and only having access to mail if I am at my own computer. I need to switch to Acad Mail or something.

I know that this coming week is going to be like a vacation and all but I already notice that I am definitely filling it up with stuff. Elections, SNAP, movies, and shopping, etc. I love sleeping in.

Life is semi-boring. Nothing to comment on.

I was just thinking about when I saw the movie Girl, Interrupted and it made me realize how long ago that was and how old I am getting. I am going to be 20 in a month and man that is scary. 20. I will no longer be a teenager and I was be two decades old. It's just odd to sit here and realize that I'm going to be 20. I have never really felt old, or my age really. And when 20 comes, I think I will finally start to feel my age and all I can say is that it scares the crap out of me. Why?

Initiation is in a few hours. I am ridiculously psyched. I love that daughter of mine. :-)

Better sleep or else I will pass out during the ceremony.

Alpha Gamma Delta...

To gain understanding that wisdom may be vouchsafed to me.
To develop and prize health and vigor of body.
To cultivate acquaintance with many whom I meet.
To cherish friendships with but a chosen few and to study the perfecting of those friendships.
To welcome the opportunity of contributing to the world's work in the community where I am placed because of the joy of service thereby bestowed and the talent of leadership multiplied.
To honor my home, my country, my religious faith.
To hold truth inviolable, sincerity essential, kindness invaluable.
To covet beauty in environment, manner, word and thought.
To possess high ideals and to attain somewhat unto them.
This shall be my purpose that those who know me may esteem Alpha Gamma Delta for her attainments, revere her for her purposes, and love her for her womanhood.

I find it amazing how music can be so influential and memorable. There is this scene in Charlie's Angels where the bad guys are revealed and as Sam Rockwell's real character is revealed, there is this song called "Got to Give It Up" by Marvin Gaye. And everytime I hear that song, I just think "Oooh how tricky tricky." You connect music to so many things - emotions, events, people, EVERYTHING. Haha. Today I went to Guerilla Improv and the inbetween music they played was theme songs from several old TV shows. I managed to recognize The Muppet Babies, Clarissa Explains It All, Hey Dude, Eureka's Castle, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Saved by the Bell, Full House, You Can't Do That on Television, etc. It's just crazy how much TV I have watched and how I can easily match songs and music to the TV shows. And they all brought up these awesome feelings. I just felt somewhat like a kid again ya know? A feeling of giddyness arose. It was nice. On a lesser thoughtful note, "Crazy Legs" of GI is REALLY cute. Freshmen I think. Ridiculously cute. In that little boy kind of sense.

Fireside was today. Lovely. On Sunday, we will be initiating 32 girls (I think). Molly will have a special one in D term since she had to leave because of medical problems. And I think at person doesn't have the grades. Otherwise, everyone is ready. I can't wait to call these awesome girls my sisters. I really do love them. Especially Amanda Gray, my dear dear daughter.

I think Carla said it right when she said that AGD is her greatest challenge and yet biggest reward. I go into this weekend's initiation with that in mind. AGD for life, through ups and downs.

So should I go to the wine tasting party Saturday nite? Should I go to TKE's balloon party for all of 30 minutes? And I still need to do about 3 hours of TiVo with William. And progressive dinner and a craft thing and yeah, hanging out with Kim. So much to do and so little time and not enough of me.

I can't wait to go home. :-) I miss the little things about being home. Soon enough.

Time to sleep!

So last nite, I am on the phone with William and I am pretty much avoiding all homework because I hate what Advanced Calc does to my brain. And he is deciding what he wants to put in his profile. And so he wants my opinion on these punchlines he has from late nite shows and such... so he asks "Tell me which one of these punchlines you think is the funniest and most worthy of my profile." and well I wanted to be an ass, so I started to laugh before he said any punchlines and ruin his fun... and so I laugh in a fake way and then I started laughing for no reason. I mean for no reason. Except I was laughing and it felt good. I haven't laughed so hard in so long. William was so baffled and once I could get a breath of air to explain why I was laughing hysterically, he started laughing and then I started laughing again and man, after that, my tummy was so sore and my mouth was sore and my face felt cramped. It was great. I love laughing.

So I got to eat with Zach and Jared. That was nice. Even if they like to watch that horribly trashy show Joe Millionare. :-)

I keep playing phone tag with my best friend Becky. I miss her. I am looking forward to spring break and seeing her. Although I am sure she will gone for part of it since her 3 year anniversary falls in there. Oh well, I will be there for her 20th. Woo hoo!

So yeah, I sent my resume to Erie Insurance. Let's see if I get a call back of any kind. Probably not. I am such a math loser. :-P

OK. I need to finish a few projects.

So one of the things I really miss is eating with my ho. I am sitting here starving because I hate to eat alone and plus I just kinda miss eating with Molly. I see her for lunch sometimes and never dinner. My eating habits are way out of wack because everyone eats before me or isn't eating and I don't want to inconvenience anyone and instead I end up starving (well not starving but not eating on a very regular pattern). Plus I am picky with who I like to eat with I guess. I dunno where I am going with this except I miss the little things like eating with the ho and not worrying about finding someone to eat with. I just feel a tad bit lonely and hungry these days. Poor Molly with her headaches. I should quit my bitching. I am done. Still hungry, but I guess I will suck it up. Or try to at least until I can hit up the CC and bring back my food and eat alone in my room. ::sigh:: Bad week and bad vibes coming from myself. Must stop.

Beautiful thing about today: You go outside and you have to SQUINT because the sun is so nice and bright. It's beautiful. Just beautiful.

Let's see. Life Contingencies midterm? BIG FAT FAIL! Oh man, afterwards, when we all started comparing answers, mine were like no one elses. Sucks to be me. ::sigh::

So I have been thinking and me and Kim should start keeping a "Chronicles of the Math Majors" thing. Because we have taken so many classes together and there are so many stories to tell and laughs to be laughed. Newest thing: kid who sits next to me NEVER talks. I have sat next to him two terms in a row and today was the first day where we had a full conversation (well kind of full). Me and Kim still laugh about the day I said bye to all the people in Math stats and it was like "Bye James, Bye Jeff, Bye kid I don't know" or when I turned to him randomly and went "What's that on the board?" and he got all flustered and said "uh um, a lowercase delta?" and yeah that's it. I asked him what his name was this term finally because I felt the silence was just going on for too long. Goal of the week is to have TWO full conversations with "David" (that is his name). Half the goal is achieved.

So I think something that intrigues me is people who are reclusive or don't talk alot (take for instance the case of David I just mentioned). It baffles me because I talk a lot. I mean we as humans are always thinking every day, every hour, every second, ALL the time. And well, I take the talking to myself and turn it into talking with other people. But some people just don't do that. And because they don't do that, I can never tell what they are thinking. Take for example Patrick, a kind of also quiet person. I met him last year because I think I saw the back of his head for two terms straight (CS 1005 and CS 2005). And so I struck up a conversation and I have always said hi and lately, I have been trying to have longer conversations with more depth to them. But I can never tell what he is thinking. For all I know, he could think I was a babbling fool (which I can be), annoying, entertaining, or something else. I can't seem to get a grasp on him. It reminds me of Tom Muller. Oh Tom Muller. The kid I met when I was 5 years old and still know now, a best friend. But it wasn't until the last year of high school where we started to talk freely with each other. And now, I feel as if I know Tom Muller for real... there is still a little intrigue because everyone has SOME mystery to them, but for the most part, I feel like I can finally say, I KNOW Tom Muller. But for people like Patrick, they are still a mystery. I haven't quite found a groove in conversation with him. Plus sometimes I think I am bothering him. :-) Who knows. It's a mystery and that's why I like to talk to him/try to talk to him.

OK well Adam told me I am writing too long of a post, so I'll stop.

As Valentine's Day nears, I feel that horrible feeling of loneliness looming over my head. Usually Valentine's day in high school wasn't that bad because all my friends were single so there wasn't any expectation or feeling of loneliness because we were lonely together. Last year, I tried to remedy loneliness by going to the Vagina Monologues but then lost my ticket the nite of and well yeah... I definitely cried a lot that night. I cannot have a repeat nite. I refuse. I hate to be so vulnerable feeling and so weak. And this year, I need to figure out something fast. Everyone is going to be in Montreal and I don't know if I want to go there either. I don't know. I just know if I cry that nite, I will cry forever because the term/year/problems are just going to culminate on that nite and I will be a mess. A big fat mess.

I absolutely love my residents. I talked to Erin and Lynn for a long time today and I love talking to those two. If you were to combine Lynn and Erin, I think you would get me (well and add in some Asian too haha). Me and Lynn are very similar when it comes to values and perception of things. And Erin and I have really similar goofy taste... we are amused by silly things and we just know how to laugh. I love those two. I love all my residents though. Seriously, the floor is awesome. I could not have asked for a better floor. When I hear about other floors, I kiss my lucky stars that I got the people I got. Go D3!

So I have been uber passive in my search of the guy for me. I am just too laid back. I haven't really really really liked anyone. There are the fleeting 3 second crushes and that's it. And even then, I've only had one or two fleeting crushes (I think). I just don't feel any vibes from anyone. Maybe I'm just too picky. Or maybe it's just me and how unattractive/un-datable (someone told me that in high school... said I was the kewlest gal but completely un-datable) and the reason why I don't feel a vibe is because no one feels THAT vibe for me. Oh oh, this is definitely a let's beat up on my self-esteem blog. I better stop before I make myself feel like crap.

Nite.

So yeah. What a start to the week. My Mondays are always crazy insane. Let's see:
1. I took Molly to the ER because it has been almost two weeks of non-stop eye prickling headaches and yeah it was just about time to go since I think she was on the verge of losing her marbles (if she had any in the first place as her parents tried to joke, but semi-failed... her parents are so cute haha). We left at 6:30pm and got back at 3ish. I am so tired. I just want to sleep forever.
2. ::sigh:: Life is always full of ups and downs isn't it? And right now #2 is a big down.
3. I suck at math. Why am I a actuarial math major? Haha I was telling Molly how each time me and Kim do homework together, we start singing the song from the Wedding Singer where Adam Sandler sings "Somebody kill me please! Somebody kill me please! I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please! Kill me! I want to die! Put a bullet in my head!' Haha. Not that we REALLY want to die but man math can suck the life out of you at times! I love Kimmy. She rocks. I dunno what I will do without her when she graduates :-(
4. Allison J, Danya, Chris Dupree, and Lindsey rock my socks! They showed their love and I found it so touching! Seriously, the NM class is the best. They just amaze me more and more each day I see them. And in DAKA, the sea of red shirts at dinner was AWESOME. Loved it. Awesome.
5. I need to stop being so depressing in these blogs sometimes. I will do my best to stop that.

Lata.

Boston was oodles of fun. Hanging out with Hanni was such a nice breather from the WPI life. Friday nite, we ended up going to Bennigan's for dinner. Oh my gosh, it was such good food. The dessert was really what was awesome though. I got the White Chocolate Chill-Out. To die for man, to die for. And then we went to go see Just Married because I had already seen Chicago and she had already seen The Hours and we both wanted to see something new and plus we were just in the mood for the dumb romantic comedy. It was cute. But oh man, I was ready to slap the girl next to me and slap the girl sitting next to Hanni. The one next to me had some personal organizer or something gagdet and she got a message in the middle of it and she whips it out and opens it and the screen is literally the size of a regular sized pamphlet! It was so friggin bright! And she goes "Oh my partner wants me to look over the project" and proceeds to glance at it in the middle of the movie. And then the woman next to Hanni had her cell phone go off TWICE and she took BOTH calls and she was one of those awful people who didn't have her key tones off so every button went "beep" and I was so ready to dump my drink over both of these HORRIBLE people. I think there should be a rule that you have to turn off your phone when you go to have your ticket torn. I am so tired of them going off and people taking the calls. Worcester Showcase is smart because in their theatres, you can't get reception. Ingenius. Anyways those people needed to be shot. Otherwise, the movie was cute and Ashton Kutcher is ridiculously gorgeous. There is just something about him...

I saw Gabi Stitler for the first time in almost 2 years. We had went to high school together and she was, how do you say, the "it" girl. Every guy at some point had a crush on her and she was just so fabulous. On top of her looks, she was smart, ambitious, and had an engaging personality. Yeah she was Gabi. And she is still the same Gabi from high school. She went to college for a year at Ursinus in Collegeville, PA (one of my other top choices besides WPI). She felt restless, so she dropped out of Ursinus because it just wasn't doing it for her. She went home to TX (her family moved there right after she graduated), she spent a few weeks home, and then went on a Congressional internship in DC for two months. And now she is working for AmeriCorps in Boston. She is a part time student at Harvard and she is going to apply to an all girls school in NYC and go there full time next year. Yeah, can we say crazy ambitious? Hanni said she felt like such a slacker after hearing all this, but I think hey, if I'm happy, then who cares if I haven't done as much as Gabi has? I will put in my contribution to the world at a later date. Anyways, it was just weird to see her and hang out because we were kinda friends in high school, we did Student Council and all that jazz for a few years and did a few leadership conferences together, but we weren't BEST friends or anything. Just odd to see her. As more and more time passes, it gets weirder and weirder to hang out with people from high school. It just feels like I've moved on and am ready to close that chapter. Nice memories. That's it.

It was so odd to wake up Saturday and have Hanni tell me about the Columbia tragedy. It disturbingly felt like it was 9/11 because we were glued to the TV for a bit, just watching the news and nothing else. I just watched and tried not to think how awful it was. I hate how the workings of God are so unexplainable at times. Just in times like these where the workings envoke so much sadness and unneeded death. *sigh* God has a plan, I guess. *moment of silence*